The Assman

My dad’s face circa 1998 as I explain to him what Harry Potter is

Ass Hill, you say 👀

The worry is China and to a lesser extent NK join the fight

Did you miss the NK soldiers who are currently in the kursk region right now?

Really? It’s like three dollars more than a big mac in my area and like 20x better

There’s barely any person left in it these days

“you betcha” I say as I choke you to death with a corn cob

It’s actually Hormel. Yes, like the canned chilli.

Crawl out through the fallout baby

But does it have a compass in the stock? Does it have this thing which tells time?

Hey baby come over and I’ll drive against the wall for all 400 miles of the brickyard in NASCAR 2000

The US was fighting wars in the Middle East for the first 30 years of our lives, we watched the worst mass casualty event since pearl harbor on live tv, we lived through the worst economic crisis since the great depression, covid, tea party, trump, Katrina, isis, Putin, etc etc. When were these high hopes you speak of?

Yeah, can’t have been the guys who were just threatening to disrupt undersea cables. It’s gotta be somebody else.

There’s something about a bunch of dudes getting ready to kill a bunch of other dudes that just speaks to the soul

Crust? Mantle? We’re talking about the ocean, not pies or furniture.

We used to watch the cheeto balls tumble across the plains in summer

This is what happens when an isetta eats shellfish

Guarantee 99% of bluesky users have no idea what federation is

I always say never work too hard. Managers don’t know how long things take because they don’t do any actual work. Set expectations accordingly.

Pretty sure my county is a pepperoni

Imagine you’re climbing a tree and you get to the top and grab this mfer