that’s a murder of crow

I feel like here should be a funny pun of the name tehe, but I can’t think of one; so pretend this comment is a valid and hilarious pun

Whomst shælt be oth Pollo’s sæthcrithfrice?

Do you know that in terms of

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beyond-friendship human companionship, your mom is very seasoned?

Assuming the problem is infinite and considers physical factors, then it would happen at one point

um aktualy 🤓 the original problem was purely for philosophical purposes but not entertainmenatal purposes

the size exaggerated the difference in height too

antimeme is like “antilougehatiusmeme”; it starts with “anti” and ends with “meme”. No, “antilougehatiusmeme” is a made up word, but my point still stands.

First time using flashbacks and first time writing something this long. Probably bad, but my excuse would be “it’s the idea which is bad, not my fault” :) still criticism is of course welcome

Baking Competition, but the average IQ is like 500

“Welcome to the Hans Village Local Baking Competition 2023!” The host Robin exclaimed in excitement. The crowd cheered back in mirth.

Of course, this was nothing but some local baking event, if it wasn’t for the fact that 4 masterminds roamed in it every year!

Alison was the most ordinary participant out of the “Big Four.” In everyday life, she was but a mother of one son. But in the competition, she was fierce - her nickname was Tiger.

“I must win the prize money for my child!” Alison said as she spread all her four limbs on the table like a spider to achieve maximum efficiency. She was so skilful that her toes could use the utensils with ease. But then, she noticed that there wasn’t enough butter!

“Thomas!”

Thomas was another one of the Big Four. He was the frailest yet wisest of them.

“Haha! I have incinerated 513.5 grams of your butter! Cry, Tiger, as I shall be victorious at last!” Thomas shouted cockily. He would be an excellent antagonist if he wasn’t trembling in fear while speaking.

“You’ll pay, Tom!” The Tiger dashed and leapt 5 feet in the air, ready to give Thomas an obligatory massage.

Suddenly, a cloud of smoke burst! Alison was blasted away, but she managed to land on her left hand and barely saved her bowl of ingredients with the right hand. “Why don’t you use your secret bomb, cowardly Rachel?”

Rachel, also known as the Danger.* Unlike Alison, she was not buffed. Nonetheless, she was as hazardous as Alison as she was an expert in creating destructive gadgets. What you just saw there was a smoke bomb, and that was just the appetiser.

“Because I’m not a raging bull,” Rachel teased back.

The latecomer, also the final Big Four, arrived at last. Simon greeted everyone with a big grin. “What have I missed, Rachel?”

And with that, all the Big Four were there.

“Fuck off, jerk,” Alison, Thomas, and Rachel all sighed in unison.

“Aww guys, how could you say that?” Simon let out an obviously fake moan, while secretly snatching a dozen of “fireballs” from Rachel.

Of course, being a Big Four meant to be cautious, and Rachel almost immediately caught Simon, but it was too late. Simon shot Rachel with her own fireball, igniting her apron. Not even giving others the time to react, Simon set everyone else’s dishes on fire too.

But Thomas knew this would happen already.

Three days before, Simon was tracking Rachel. After knowing she was developing an even more aggressive fireball than last year, Simon decided to steal them during the competition. But in fact, Thomas was tracking Simon tracking Rachel too. Knowing Simon’s plan, Thomas brought a fire extinguisher of approximately 7.58 litres, the minimum weight needed to deal with Rachel’s bombs calculated by Thomas.

“How… How could this be?” Simon could not believe this, and was shaking in disbelief. But then, his expression turned hostile. He took an axe from his bag and threw it towards Simon!

Turns out that Simon had been counter-tracking Thomas. After knowing that Thomas would bring a fire extinguisher, he brought an axe to break it.

Thomas tried to save his fire extinguisher but to no avail. It was at that point, when Alison the Tiger appeared and stopped the full speed axe with her bare palm. She was unscathed.

“You wanna commit murder, Simon?”

What the others didn’t know was that Thomas was Alison’s son. She tried her best to hide the panic from her face. But being a psychologist, Simon noticed something was off.

Luckily, his conclusion was that Alison was simply a kind person. “Alison, you’re scaring me!” Simon said in a mocking manner. Now, back to the competition.

Rachel took out a custom-made yellow knife. It was called Beehive, and its design was based on butterfly knives. After shoving her mixed bowl of liquid into the oven, she rushed towards Simon as she had nothing to do, and she was mad at him for blaspheming against her holy fireballs like that.

Meanwhile, Alison and Thomas were focusing on their own work. “Mother… I will surpass you.” Thomas whispered to himself.

“Die!” Rachel roared - of course, that was figurative language. Simon dodged her attacks smoothly, but Rachel’s goal wasn’t to hurt Simon. Simon’s ingredients were still not in the oven, yet his time was spent dodging attacks and going around the tables! Simon had to come up with a counterattack to get out of this stalemate.

What made Simon’s scenario seem worse was the fact that Thomas was going at full speed. He didn’t even bother to harass the other participants.

He must win this time.

Three years ago.

At that time, there were only the Big Three. But in Thomas’ heart, the only master baker out there was his mother, Alison. People feared her as the Tiger, but for Thomas, Alison was a cat. Fierce at times, but also an adorable person.

He always wanted to help his mom bake, yet he never really succeeded - the skill difference was simply too large. Hence, Thomas trained. And the next year, he made the Big Three the Big Four.

But when he tried to help his mother bake, he could still only barely keep up. Even when they were both one of the Big Four, their levels still differed. By 195.66 points, according to the custom scale defined by Thomas.

Thomas only saw one solution. Get better. And after two years, he must beat his mother. He would surpass Alison one day, and the day would be today.

Meanwhile, Alison was baking while she took a glance at Simon and Rachel fighting. “How funny,” she mumbled in awe, before going back to work.

Simon continued to dodge the blows from Rachel passively. He could’ve used the extra axe in his bag. He could’ve used the fireballs again. He could’ve done a lot, but he chose to stay dodging.

He just couldn’t get harsh on Rachel. The fireball attack that time, he could’ve gone for the face - he would’ve done that - if it wasn’t Rachel. He said to himself, “That wasn’t love.” But now, he could no longer deny unless he did something bad to her.

He faltered, but he had gone for it anyway. The secret bombs Rachel never used - what if he used them on Rachel?

Rachel watched desperately as Simon grabbed the secret bomb and was going to throw it at her. But alas! Simon just couldn’t pull it off. He changed his target midway to Thomas.

Yet, Rachel still screamed, not in fear, but in desperation. “NOOOO!!!” And as the bomb exploded, everyone finally knew the truth.

About ten years ago.

Rachel was a young girl then. At that time, it was just the still young Alison versus the 17 year old Simon. The host was still Robin, and ten years ago, he was handsome as [bleep]. That’s why Rachel fell in love with him in an instant, and had refined her baking skills over the years, just to be recognised by Mr. Robin.

And about five years into baking, Rachel was still mediocre at best. But then, a fire broke out in her place, and that was when Rachel realized the power of fire and smoke, and in turn, started making the bombs. They worked like a charm. She became the Big Three the very year she made the bombs.

That was about when she had an idea. What if she used a smoke bomb to confess her love to Robin? After experimenting, she had created a bomb that would show the words, “I love U Robin.”

And she had brought it with her as a “secret bomb” to the tournament. Yet, what she didn’t know from the experiments she had done was that she was but a human. She was afraid. As a result, the bomb was never used, until this day.

“What a coward I was. What a coward I’ll always be.” Rachel brooded as she gazed upon the flying secret bomb towards Thomas. The second thing she did was to try to stab Simon with her Beehive.

On the other side of the arena, Alison darted in front of the bomb to attempt to save Thomas.

“Son!” Alison yelled.

“Mom!” Thomas shouted.

“I love you.” Simon exclaimed to Rachel.

Rachel stayed silent as the bomb exploded to show the words, “I love U Robin.”

There was a few seconds of silence. Robin was the first one to speak, “Uh, Rachel… I hate to tell you this,”

“But I’m gay.”

With that, chaos ensued.

“Robin is gay?”

“Thomas is the son of Alison?” “They do have the same last names, but their physique are polar opposites.”

“Did Simon just confess his love to Rachel?”

“But Rachel was in love with Robin…”

“And I’m in love with Simon,” Robin added.

“Fuck off!” Simon screeched in fear. “No, you fuck off!” Rachel and Thomas yelled back to Simon.

Finally, with three echoing claps from Robin the host, the crowd settled down.

“All of you have finished your baking?” Robin asked. After getting a confirmation, Robin announced hurriedly, “Great, I’ll be revealing the winner now!”

The Big Four gulped in excitement. They had butterflies in their stomachs.

“The winner is…”

“Is…”

“Zach!” Robin yelled.

“Wait, what?” All of the Big Four couldn’t believe it. “Who’s Zach?”

Robin explained, “Unlike you guys, Zach is actually baking. Only his food seems to be edible, so the decision.” The audience nodded in agreement.

“Even though I couldn’t surpass you this time, my baking skill points have grown by approximately 37.402. I will surely beat you next year, mom!” Thomas said. “Good luck then. You’ll need it.” Alison replied gently.

“Rachel, I can be your boyfriend.” “Fuck off!” Rachel exclaimed, but she was also laughing. “Maybe if you’ll be less of a jerk, I’ll consider your offer,” she said.

And with that, the Hans Village Local Baking Competition 2023 has officially ended!

*Yes, this is a reference to Walter White.

I have dementia 😁👍

I have dementia 😁👍

I have dementia 😁👍

I have dementia 😁👍

I have dementia 😁👍

I have dementia 😁👍

I have dementia 😁👍

I have dementia 😁👍

My solution would be: reopen the sub. If lot of traffic, drastically lower the quality of everything. Reposts, unrelated posts, unfunny memes, shitposts, let them flood. The price is the lowered quality of the community (which may be fixable, may be not). If little traffic, make ridiculously strict rules. “The sub is not restricted, its just people not following the rules” Very malicious (and unfunny) compliance. Of course ask whether your community is fine with all that.

if she’s fat then just stop eating chocolate???