I can’t imagine many people think fondly about time spent with you.

What was his name again?? 🤔

Not fantastic. The kids started daycare and brought home some illness that I caught immediately. I called off work a couple days and they want documentation of some sort, as if I can afford a visit to the doctor with no insurance. On the other hand, I did land an interview for a much better job, so I remain hopeful.

I got one for each ankle.

Gimme a break. Police K9s don’t actually detect the presence of drugs, they just respond to prompts from their handlers.

Why stop at pepper spray?

Must be nice.

I fear my tears might stain my petticoat.

Those look better than my interview clothes. Go get em, tiger!

Are you insinuating that I’m a baby because I believe that mothers and fathers both deserve the same level of accomodation in regards to caring for their children in public spaces? I sure hope that’s not what you’re insinuating, because that would make you a cunt. You don’t want to be a cunt, do you?

I’ve been known to go into the women’s room to change a diaper when the men’s room doesn’t have a changing table. It doesn’t happen often, but it’s supremely irritating to me as a dad.

spin spin

Hail Beakman!

A more apt description of deli ham I have not heard.

This is almost as awesome as the second best Gorillaz album.

As if it even needs to be said.

I used to know a guy who would go to festivals with a super soaker he called the Job Cannon. He’d walk around sniffing the air going “I smell patchouli” and screaming “Get a job, hippie!” before spraying people.

Januaries?

You guys are so silly.