Misread the title of the other post which made me think of this question.

I, as a male, have had multiple women ask me how we ride bikes without smashing our balls.

  • Ookami38
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    8
    ·
    5 months ago

    Am I missing something? Aren’t the people asking the man if he’s giving mom a break the ones perpetuating the “moms are expected to raise children” stereotype? The guy in this scenario is simply doing father things, it’s the assumptive person asking the question that’s hanging onto old beliefs.

    I’m all for fathers being fathers, and I think anyone who bothers to take their kid to the park on off times is probably in the same boat. It comes across as more than a bit condescending to have some random person imply that this activity isn’t one that’s normal for your family.

    • AstralPath@lemmy.ca
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      5 months ago

      Yeah, that’s exactly what’s happening. People seem to be misconstruing my comment as endorsement of gender stereotypes? I don’t know.

      The assumption that the father is just giving mom a break is part of a systemic issue, that by and large women are still expected to bear the bulk of the burden of childcare. Older generations are much more likely to ask that assumptive question as they still see it as the norm. Hell, some families in my own personal circle fit that stereotype like a glove, to the detriment of the mother’s mental health.

      • Flax@feddit.uk
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        2
        ·
        5 months ago

        I think for what it’s worth, as much as I advocate for a single working parent, I think a stay-at-home dad would also be a good thing and a working mother. I just think the capitalist system should allow families to live with one working parent.

        • AstralPath@lemmy.ca
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          1
          ·
          5 months ago

          Yep, nothing wrong with a stay at home dad. Unfortunately capitalist society axed the single income comfort for the vast majority of couples decades ago. I wonder what things would be like if our buying power remained at 1950s levels?

          • Flax@feddit.uk
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            1
            ·
            5 months ago

            Probably like the 1950s but without the discrimination problems

    • Flax@feddit.uk
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      2
      ·
      5 months ago

      Yeah. Dads should be dads and be involved in their children’s lives.

      • Ookami38
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        edit-2
        5 months ago

        Yeah, I don’t think anyone is arguing they shouldn’t. It just seems really counterproductive to ever talk to a father as if he’s a babysitter. As long as we’re assuming Mom doing all the child rearing work is normal, and Dad’s just a babysitter, we’re leaving the door open to normalizing deadbeats.

        • AstralPath@lemmy.ca
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          1
          ·
          5 months ago

          That’s exactly what I was trying to acknowledge with my comment above. I was just pointing out how common it actually is to come across folks that think that way and that they think that way due to systemic issues involving deadbeat dads and perpetuation of antiquated gender roles among other things.

          I think the person asking a question like that shouldn’t necessarily be treated with disdain as absent or uninvolved fathers is a rather large problem. Some men still lean into the gender roles without even thinking about it. Its still so normalized that its ultimately mother’s responsibility to handle children and any additional involvement from the father is seen as charitable, it seems. Its a disappointing dynamic.