My kid has a friend that used to have an unstable situation. No details, but it was rough enough courts got involved.
But when they were part of a d&d group via discord, my kid mentioned me being a forever DM. So, I would end up in voice chats telling old stories to the group when the DM had obligations.
A few weeks into this, my kid asks permission to stay up late for this other kid. I’m not known for bending health related stuff like good sleep without a damn good reason, but I made an exception and let them chat a while.
But, my kid falls asleep, and I hear this other kid crying, and my heart fucking breaks. I pick up the tablet and ask if I can help. The kid asks me to tell them a story like I do when DM can’t play.
So I did. Maybe fifteen minutes in, I hear snoring.
For a while after that, the kid would ping my kid here and there and ask if I could talk. They were alone, and scared, and feeling a lot of hurt, and sometimes a voice over a device was all they could get. Which was fucking brutal on my end. I’m a well known asshole, but some things just get you. Nobody should be that lonely, you know?
Anyway, it isn’t the same thing, but it resonates.
There is a difference between “well known asshole” and “being rude to people”. You might fall into the latter category, unless you burn orphanages or sth.
Nah, I’m unfailingly polite until I’m not allowed to be.
The asshole reputation comes from being willing to push hard when faced with bullshit where good manners fail. The last time I got called an asshole was about three weeks ago. Dude in front of me at the grocery store was bitching at the cashier for not moving fast enough “I’ve got to get this done, do your job”. I told him to shut the fuck up and leave the kid alone.
Said it loud enough for the manager to hear and come over, and the situation resolved after the guy said his piece at me.
If that’s rude, I’m okay with that.
Yeah, I could have likely chosen other ways to intervene, but I’m too fucking old to beat around the bush. IDGAF what the guy thinks about me, so him calling me names doesn’t bother me. The kid at the register was starting to get a little teary, and I just have this complex about bullies. Seriously, it’s a thing with me that I can’t keep my mouth shut when something like that goes on.
It’s also that I say no in an undebatable way. Most people want to say no, but they try to say it nicely, and get into a dance that is worse than being firm the first time. Like, unannounced sales attempts. I open the door, and as soon as they start their spiel, I stop them and say not to waste their time, or mine, I’m not buying anything, period. I then wish them a good day and close the door. That’s how I say no to anything I’m unwilling or unable to do. I say no, and move on. No need to explain, no need to apologize, just no.
You’d think that would leave me without friends. To the contrary, after someone gets used to it, it ends up being something they like about me. They come to trust that me saying no isn’t anything else. I’m not mad at them, I’m not being pissy, I’m just not wasting their time with all the usual rigamarole.
Like my wife h a s said, “you may be an asshole, but you’re my asshole.” She’s actually picked up the habit with me lol. I ask her for/to do something, she says no, and that’s it. I move on and respect her no, she trusts me to do just that. She also knows that I won’t say no to much with her lol.
Again, it can be taken as rude, but I’m fine with that. I know who I am, the people I care about know I care about them, and that’s all that matters to me.
Motive is the most important consideration to decide if an action is assholish or not. Choosing to be aggressive towards someone who’s bullying another person? They’re the asshole, not you.
Jfc, a green text I actually relate to.
My kid has a friend that used to have an unstable situation. No details, but it was rough enough courts got involved.
But when they were part of a d&d group via discord, my kid mentioned me being a forever DM. So, I would end up in voice chats telling old stories to the group when the DM had obligations.
A few weeks into this, my kid asks permission to stay up late for this other kid. I’m not known for bending health related stuff like good sleep without a damn good reason, but I made an exception and let them chat a while.
But, my kid falls asleep, and I hear this other kid crying, and my heart fucking breaks. I pick up the tablet and ask if I can help. The kid asks me to tell them a story like I do when DM can’t play.
So I did. Maybe fifteen minutes in, I hear snoring.
For a while after that, the kid would ping my kid here and there and ask if I could talk. They were alone, and scared, and feeling a lot of hurt, and sometimes a voice over a device was all they could get. Which was fucking brutal on my end. I’m a well known asshole, but some things just get you. Nobody should be that lonely, you know?
Anyway, it isn’t the same thing, but it resonates.
There is a difference between “well known asshole” and “being rude to people”. You might fall into the latter category, unless you burn orphanages or sth.
Nah, I’m unfailingly polite until I’m not allowed to be.
The asshole reputation comes from being willing to push hard when faced with bullshit where good manners fail. The last time I got called an asshole was about three weeks ago. Dude in front of me at the grocery store was bitching at the cashier for not moving fast enough “I’ve got to get this done, do your job”. I told him to shut the fuck up and leave the kid alone.
Said it loud enough for the manager to hear and come over, and the situation resolved after the guy said his piece at me.
If that’s rude, I’m okay with that.
Yeah, I could have likely chosen other ways to intervene, but I’m too fucking old to beat around the bush. IDGAF what the guy thinks about me, so him calling me names doesn’t bother me. The kid at the register was starting to get a little teary, and I just have this complex about bullies. Seriously, it’s a thing with me that I can’t keep my mouth shut when something like that goes on.
It’s also that I say no in an undebatable way. Most people want to say no, but they try to say it nicely, and get into a dance that is worse than being firm the first time. Like, unannounced sales attempts. I open the door, and as soon as they start their spiel, I stop them and say not to waste their time, or mine, I’m not buying anything, period. I then wish them a good day and close the door. That’s how I say no to anything I’m unwilling or unable to do. I say no, and move on. No need to explain, no need to apologize, just no.
You’d think that would leave me without friends. To the contrary, after someone gets used to it, it ends up being something they like about me. They come to trust that me saying no isn’t anything else. I’m not mad at them, I’m not being pissy, I’m just not wasting their time with all the usual rigamarole.
Like my wife h a s said, “you may be an asshole, but you’re my asshole.” She’s actually picked up the habit with me lol. I ask her for/to do something, she says no, and that’s it. I move on and respect her no, she trusts me to do just that. She also knows that I won’t say no to much with her lol.
Again, it can be taken as rude, but I’m fine with that. I know who I am, the people I care about know I care about them, and that’s all that matters to me.
Motive is the most important consideration to decide if an action is assholish or not. Choosing to be aggressive towards someone who’s bullying another person? They’re the asshole, not you.