The latter, yes. To make a very blunt but (to me) accurate comparison:
Imagine every work lunch involves people slapping your eyeballs with sausages every ten seconds. It’s fine. You are prepared for it. You have years of practice not letting it visibly bother you. But every once in a while you are not 100% up for it and ask people to “please, sorry, just take a break with the… fucking sausages for five minutes?” and you have completely and utterly fucked up socially.
Just don’t let the sausage eye-slapping bother you.
It is wrong for you to be annoyed by it. Your feelings are wrong.
Other people don’t even notice and you must be like that too.
This in all situations for years and years and the end result is a weird kind of toughening. You get really good at not caring that you sit uncomfortably, are too cold, too hot, are scared, bump your elbow, are exhausted, etc. Then you can get annoyed by people around you letting minor inconveniences stop them while simultaneously calling you sensitive.
You’d still want to socialize :) and people who do irritating things are never (beyond grade school) doing it on purpose. They are friends and colleagues that you want and need to spend time with.
But yeah, you have more control as an adult and minor adjustments make it work. Sit further from the guy who cuts his knife in the plate, go lunch by yourself outside if you’re tired and the lady with the constand loud jovial laugh is at work today, use home office every few days, etc.
Understanding there is a difference that you need to adjust for and not just feeling you have to tough it out constantly, makes all the difference for most.
Is it impulse control?
Like some of the time you can’t control lashing out at things that bother you?
How is that different from a neurotypical?
Because there’s more constant troubling input?
The latter, yes. To make a very blunt but (to me) accurate comparison:
Imagine every work lunch involves people slapping your eyeballs with sausages every ten seconds. It’s fine. You are prepared for it. You have years of practice not letting it visibly bother you. But every once in a while you are not 100% up for it and ask people to “please, sorry, just take a break with the… fucking sausages for five minutes?” and you have completely and utterly fucked up socially.
Just don’t let the sausage eye-slapping bother you.
It is wrong for you to be annoyed by it. Your feelings are wrong.
Other people don’t even notice and you must be like that too.
This in all situations for years and years and the end result is a weird kind of toughening. You get really good at not caring that you sit uncomfortably, are too cold, too hot, are scared, bump your elbow, are exhausted, etc. Then you can get annoyed by people around you letting minor inconveniences stop them while simultaneously calling you sensitive.
I like that analogy, thanks for the explanation.
You still feel inclined to be around others despite the eye-slapping?
I’m irritated a lot of the time by other people and consequently spend less time in social situations.
After you’re an adult, can’t you stop talking to irritating people (most people) and avoid the eye-slapping, or is it all people?
Or is it all things?
You’d still want to socialize :) and people who do irritating things are never (beyond grade school) doing it on purpose. They are friends and colleagues that you want and need to spend time with.
But yeah, you have more control as an adult and minor adjustments make it work. Sit further from the guy who cuts his knife in the plate, go lunch by yourself outside if you’re tired and the lady with the constand loud jovial laugh is at work today, use home office every few days, etc.
Understanding there is a difference that you need to adjust for and not just feeling you have to tough it out constantly, makes all the difference for most.
Makes a lot of sense, thanks.-
I live abroad for a similar reason.