An incredible band that I love is releasing a new album. And I’m just sitting here thinking I might never get to see a live show again. My health fell apart a few years ago and there’s so much I just can’t participate in now and it’s so alienating and sad. I remember being drunk and dancing in crowds seemingly not that long ago, now I have to spend close to 80% of my time in bed just to have enough energy to do the basics like cook and shower and eat. It sucks. I miss being in rooms full of strangers and screaming and just living life in public at all, being around other humans. I don’t have anyone to help me do things, and every cool thing that happens in the world now is bittersweet because I can’t directly enjoy it. I’m like only able to have small bites of life and I am really really really really really really really sad about it. I might never get to see any band live again at all, and if I ever do through some incredible stroke of luck I still won’t be able to jump around or stand up or drink like I would want to. My enthusiasm is trapped in my body seemingly forever now. It’s just shit. Other things about life are good, great even, but this specific way of being in the world and being around like minded people feels like it’s gone forever.
I feel that so hard.
I make do with recorded shows and livestreams, but it just ain’t the same.
I was never fond of the people, per se, but crowds at a concert were bearable and different from other crowds, so it was cool
But, yah, most days there’s just enough spoons for the necessary, so having any left for a good show isn’t realistic. Hell, catching a movie with a friend takes planning and careful choices of theater.