Funny, I’ve been on the other end. A friend of mine, who fancied himself Scarface, would often send messages from his burner at the end of use. Usually something nonsensical, like “the cats have got it this time” or “hey, this the guy with the shirt?” Anyway, I receive a text that reads “hey, whos this?” and I immediately attempt to offer them drugs, because why not implicate myself in someone else’s crimes? They respond with confusion, and so I press them for “wasting my time” and go off about how they need to pick up their product before I make it their problem.

The messages go quiet for a few minutes, and then I receive a call from a gentleman significantly older and significantly whiter than my friend, urging me to leave their family alone before the police are called. Naturally, this is just a part of the game. I had no clue where my friend could have found an old white man to so perfectly speak these lines, and I wasn’t about to waste his efforts. I reply with a paraphrased version of Training Day’s “King Kong ain’t got shit on me” speech and hang up, giggling to myself.

Some days later, we’re hanging out and I mention his prank, calling it hilarious, begging to know who he put on the line. He laughs along with me, wondering what I mean. I mention some details and his face lights up with confused laughter. He has no clue what I’m talking about. Near as I can gather, I traumatized some kid and their father a few decades ago. If you’re reading this, sorry guys. Also thanks for not actually calling the police.