Yeah, I realized my mistake a minute after commenting and edited to point out the misunderstanding. These user submitted articles have always seemed fake to me. Particularly those from John Baron

BY JESSICA STOYA

I’m a 30-year-old guy

Might be creative writing.

Edit: just realized this is an audience submitted article, but I don’t retract my point

Hmm, I wonder what I managed to accomplish in the womb

Girls don’t break wind, they shatter it, and that’s why they’re breathtaking. That’s what my grandfather always used to say, until my grandmother stabbed him to death during a mental episode. Would have been funny if she suffocated him, but she didn’t seem to consider my need for irony

Uhhh, like, 50 AD, I think? Or if you’re talking about bottoming, like 1000 BC. People have always been lame

I’d prefer that he’d act in the interest of the American people overall in his cutting and running. The last month has had many examples of last minute “good luck with the fallout, Donny” moves, but this is exclusively self interest. I don’t love it, but I get it. Hope he enjoys whichever country he and his son will flee to as we mad max it

I don’t love it, but I get it

Could you imagine these 10 foot tall fuckers swooping through the air and just ripping a fully grown dolphin out the water? One moment, you’re enjoying time with a few hundred pounds of intelligence and curiosity, and the next, the air is filled with shrieks interrupted by the muting gust of colossal wings heaving your joy into the air. I’d watch that movie

Mechanical Turks are my favorite trope of the 2020s.

already clipped off the YouTube link tracking code

My man!

Surreal to imagine from 2024 POV.

Modern fast fashion allows literally everyone you see to wear stupid fad garbage of the week, every week. The only difference between then and now is the absence of homogeneity. There are just too many fads to chase

Fairly relevant: https://youtube.com/watch?v=HGtIPhps12A

Idolizing any other person of any era is silly, but sifting out the good from the bad and passing it forward should be heartening. Seeing society progress and finding its prototypes deeply flawed is just progress on display

Depends on the context. If they start out with a speech about revenge, use it as a demonstration of their work, or make it a goofy play on 90s hacking, it could be fun for the right person at the right time.

But if they went into it saying “I’m such a little tendieslut. God, I can’t wait to steal some chicken. My neighbor blew me behind there *point* when it was still a Wendy’s, and that was confusing because she was just supposed to drive me to my mom’s place so I could get ready for junior league” then their audience shrinks considerably further.

I think most people can agree that Jesus was a cool dude, but the folks co-opting his message to various ends are less cool. Love me some Jesus, loathe me some church/mosque

I can think of like 4 examples of Apple creating an economy product in the last decade. The cult will provide more than enough money to keep Apple afloat, no matter the state of the world or Apple. Or Apple can simply cease selling all products and rely entirely on its coffers for the next full year to reprioritize. I’m sure they’ll find a way to survive.

You make perfect croutons and aren’t terrified of mandolins? You sure you’re allowed in the *dull men’s club?

My peasant air fryer method can’t compare

Meanwhile, I’m just staring at the nest and thinking I’m clever for noticing the minor warping.