This might sound harsh but honestly atleast my life is really underwhelming, no matter what I try.
I have a wife, 2 dogs, an own house but a decently large debt for the house so I actually dont own it yet and a job I love (nightshift nurse)
It feels like I fckd everything up.
10 years ago my wife and I were in South East Asia, traveling,… now? I have to take care of the house, pay my credit, work
Its not the same going to Thailand only 2 weeks a year. I know many ppl cant afford it but I need that escape.
While my life isnt actually bad it just is bland though. I dont do anything other than play Video games, take care of house and dogs, watch movies, cook stuff…
But where is the excitement?
I quit going to gym, I think I should do that but I catch myself esther staring at the wall than searching for a nearby gym.
As a night nurse I have so much time in the day I would like to barista at a cafe but Im too scared to start that.
I would like to play Board games but my friends rather drink alcohol in Clubs and the next DND or Boardgame groups are 40 minutes by car.
See hpw confused I am I cant even structure this post properly.
I know money isn everything but Id travel the world, give my house away to rent, buy a new smaller house in a few years, do more sport, … somehow it feels life is behind a huge paywall and I have enough to have a decent life.
If I go to Thailand next year I have thoughts in my head like: “This money could be used to pay credit debt instead, or yard stuff, kitchen supply,…” With money I could enjoy it more
I’m gonna have to strongly disagree… I have all those health issues, and they keep getting worse, I can’t remember the last time I had sex, I’ve got a massive shiny forehead where hair used to be, and so on. But actually, I am better off today than I was in my 30s and 40s and this is basically due to one reason: I’ve stopped putting pressure on myself on fulfilling the life that I thought I needed to have. I’ve spent so much time trying to do the "right thing“, especially as a father, but it turned out that all my worries and all the effort I’ve put into doing the right thing were unhealthy for me and life had its own plans anyway.
I realized that the world doesn’t really care about what I do and that lead to the realization that I can do whatever the fuck I want. So now, the pressure is relieved and I’m trying to focus on things I enjoy doing instead of chasing some life plan. I still have depressive phases, but not caring so much about things that I deemed super important a few years ago has made things much easier. Also I found that people have no power over you if you let them know you don’t care. You don’t need to pretend to be happy to anyone. You can choose just not to play their game of toxic positivity and enjoy being your own grumpy old self. I definitely do.