Ten minutes ago, I was watching the moon while listening to music. Specifically, “My Castle Town” by Toby Fox. And I just started crying. Tears of joy. I realized just how much I enjoy living. The pretty view of The Moon, the beautiful melody…
I never had any bad things happen to me. I love my parents because they are loving and kind, no trauma whatsoever, had depression once but I sent it away shortly. Lots of hospital visits though. But nothing serious. No girlfriends, no love pains etc.
I have basically nothing in my hands right now. But I’m always able craft new hobbies when I run out of them. By the mere power of imagination. In fact, I’m looking to learn French now because English was easy as fuck.
But while I enjoy life very much, I realize that I begin to distance myself from those that do not think the same. For instance, one of my friends never takes any joy from anything that he does. Say; complains about not having a girlfriend, being ugly etc. etc. He’s the most handsome person I’ve ever seen in person. And girls just straight up lust over him. Yet, he insists on focussing on the negative. Which makes zero sense to me. Why is he ruining his own life by refusing to see the good?
Now I do realize that most people are not as lucky as me to be with absolutely no problems in their lives. However, I had the “basic” set of problems that men my age have. Those being:
- Like a girl but she rudely refuses you (or even insults)
- Argue with parents
And my “friends” are always so offended by these problems all they do is complaining about them non-stop. One even tried to kill himself over a girl. I genuinely can’t warp my head around this. Why? When I encountered these things I never cared or at worst deluded my way out.
Why can’t people just sit down and appreciate life? When I’m sitting down waiting for something, the mere ability to move my limbs seems fascinating to me. I get out of so many things.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t mean any of this as seeing myself above others. (Although I do have a massive ego.)
Meanwhile, I will watch the Moon.
If you’d legitimately like to understand, you should research things like clinical depression and anxiety disorders. Not everyone has a “normal” brain chemistry. If you genuinely want to understand, try to step outside of your perspective when doing so and try to put yourself in the shoes of someone afflicted with any of these conditions as you look into them.
These disorders can literally prevent someone from seeing many, if not all positive aspects in their life. Everything is quickly or immediately painted in a troubling or worrisome manner. It’s a fucking hellscape to trudge through on a day to day basis and there’s no magical fix for any of it. There are things that can help mitigate and cope but there’s nothing that purely removes these afflictions. A big one is empathy from people who care about that person and genuinely want them to know they do care about how that person feels.
Asking someone with one of these afflictions why they can’t “just be happy” is not unlike asking a quadriplegic why they can’t go for a swim.
I know I didn’t wish to go through every day hating the world, myself, and feeling anxious about every unknown. I want to feel free to feel unabashedly comfortable in my own skin and enjoy every moment of my waking life, but my brain is literally not wired to be able to do that with any reliable consistency. The best I, and many others, can do is just try to temper and negate those invasive thoughts and emotions as best we can when we can. How often that can happen is dependent on several factors and is not the same for everyone. I may be able to cope with X when someone else can’t, and not be able cope with Y while another person can.
Your friends may very well be going through similar things, and I know you didn’t say you do, but if you are confronting them with your lack of understanding and questions like “why can’t you just be happy/enjoy life?” you could be amplifying their pain and further alienating them when they likely already wake up feeling that way without any outside provocation.