There will forever be a part of me that thinks I’m annoying and I should just shut up. If I go drinking with family and friends I will wake up the next day and remember the small weird things I say and I will break out in cold sweat and the only thing that helps is mentally imagining swords piercing from both collarbones in an X pattern while I’m chained naked to the ceiling. I try to feel them.

I only feel better if I’ve sufficiently punished myself enough in my mind, which takes about three days. My daily moniker is “I’m sorry”. My mother gets mad at me for saying it too much, my girlfriend and my sister have expressed “being fed up” with me asking if I did anything stupid the night we drank before.

Thing is that I know I’m an extremely happy and friendly drinker. I just feel embarrassed that I talk too much. But if I try to be quiet people start to ask me if I’m okay, or else say that I’m being boring.

Being an ex-extrovert really is your crucifix after you’ve embarrassed yourself into becoming an introvert. I used to have the world in a box… now I’m hiding in a box in the world.