Hello,

I’m a 21-year-old guy looking to improve my social skills. I go out to bars but still struggle to socialize. I often find it hard to keep conversations going, and honestly, I sometimes feel bored even when I’m talking to people. Occasionally, I have a good chat, but I tend to be the quieter one in the group.

I love to sing, and after I’m done at the bar, I like to walk around town and ask if people want to hear me sing. A lot of folks are open to it and say they enjoy it (maybe they’re just being nice, but some really seem to like it). I’m passionate about playing guitar and want to start painting and writing too. I also like to go out to town and sit on a bench and just play my guitar, usually just Nirvana songs.

I’m pretty introverted, but I’m not afraid to approach people. I can introduce myself to groups, but I often struggle to keep the conversation going, almost like I bore them. I’ve also faced rejection from women about 4-5 times in a row, which I know is mostly my fault because I come off as desperate or just don’t know what I’m doing. I haven’t had friends or anyone to talk to for a year or two (I don’t use social media). I’m average-looking, but I’ve had some really beautiful girls come up to me, only to lose interest when they see I’m a bit odd. I’ve also never really had a girlfriend before, nothing longer than 3 months.

Any advice would be appreciated!

P.S. I’m not really looking to read dating or socializing books; I want to stay true to myself. But if someone has a recommendation that helped them, I might check it out.

  • Cracks_InTheWalls
    3·
    8 hours ago

    Not necessarily direct social skill things, but stuff that could put you in slightly more comfortable circumstances to work on it:

    -Karaoke. If you like singing, this is a no brainer. You then have easy introductory topics (song choices, music, telling people they did a good job, etc.). Where I am the demographics are pretty wide, it may skew older where you are.

    -If you have interest in doing so, see if you can join a band, maybe with an eye to doing some low-tier gigs (or high-tier, that’d be up to you and your bandmates).

    -It’s hard mode, but like singing and playing music in public? Get a busking permit! Interact with the strangers passing by, etc. Best case scenario, you make some pocket change. Worst case scenario, you do something you like that puts you in front of people in a non-bar setting.

    Working in something you’re passionate about and at least sort of good at can put you a little more at ease, sometimes.