I had a girl who I had been hanging out with regularly gently explain to me that we were never going to have a sexual or romantic relationship.
I was stopped cold by this. I had no idea how to explain to her that in the two years of hanging out daily I never tried to kiss her, hold her hand, or even meet her family. I just was never interested and she thought I was always about to make a move.
I thought we were just friends? So did she but she thought I wanted otherwise. It was weird. We aren’t friends now.
I had a few girls who weren’t cool with me being able to shut-down my romantic interest the moment we had that conversation. Turns out, we weren’t friends, I was just their back-up.
Most insisted later I missed my chance to try being more assertive, but none liked learning their “crush”-perks weren’t ever exclusive or crush-related; The crush just meant I hadn’t let them see me treat others similarly.
Wait, so her saying what you both already wanted somehow made things worse? That doesn’t make sense, surely a “Perfect! I don’t want romance to get in the way of the friendship we have.” would’ve kept things as they were?
Making it clear what the boundaries of the relationship are should make things better, not worse.
After years realizing the other person misread every single second you spent with them changed the nature of our friendship significantly.
Imagine if after two years you realized someone you thought of as one of your closest friends had no idea what you wanted from them. It was weird and we grew apart.
I had a girl who I had been hanging out with regularly gently explain to me that we were never going to have a sexual or romantic relationship.
I was stopped cold by this. I had no idea how to explain to her that in the two years of hanging out daily I never tried to kiss her, hold her hand, or even meet her family. I just was never interested and she thought I was always about to make a move.
I thought we were just friends? So did she but she thought I wanted otherwise. It was weird. We aren’t friends now.
I had a few girls who weren’t cool with me being able to shut-down my romantic interest the moment we had that conversation. Turns out, we weren’t friends, I was just their back-up.
Most insisted later I missed my chance to try being more assertive, but none liked learning their “crush”-perks weren’t ever exclusive or crush-related; The crush just meant I hadn’t let them see me treat others similarly.
Wait, so her saying what you both already wanted somehow made things worse? That doesn’t make sense, surely a “Perfect! I don’t want romance to get in the way of the friendship we have.” would’ve kept things as they were?
Making it clear what the boundaries of the relationship are should make things better, not worse.
After years realizing the other person misread every single second you spent with them changed the nature of our friendship significantly.
Imagine if after two years you realized someone you thought of as one of your closest friends had no idea what you wanted from them. It was weird and we grew apart.
That’s really too bad, and really highlights the importance of being upfront about expectations.
It is so strange, all these assumptions