Yeah having a job is So Grown for me, a worthless thing below society, but not having a job makes me a burden. Showering is So Fancy but not showering makes me a burden. Doing my chores and being responsible is So Wannabe Grown but if I don’t do them I’m a burden. What is the point of living if I get bullied for everything I do because it’s “trying to be grown” at fucking 26 years old? Right it’s so funny that I want to be grown up so badly that I work a job and take care of my body, that’s so fucking funny. I really should have killed myself when I originally wanted to at 7 to spare myself from twenty more years of the same bullying and abuse.
It’s my entire family. I’ve been trying to cut ties and move out for so long. I finally have a job and I’ve been saving but I need to wait until I win a housing lottery.