I hate that I’m still alive in this society where I only exist to be hurt. Instead of just euthanizing unwanted kids, we just abuse them into killing themselves. That’s so much better than being given a morphine overdose as an infant, apparently.

I should have killed myself at 7 when I first wanted to. I was right that nothing will change. I should have never allowed those people to abuse me more and get away with it. I should have made my mother and family guilty for being responsible for a child’s suicide. Everyone continues to hurt me in the same way. What is the point of having a child if you’re going to treat it like scum?

Okay

(bloody fucking hell I’m still here. At least I have work tomorrow, something to look forward to. I had a feeling I would have survived so I didn’t resign. I shouldn’t have survived again. I really miss all the possessions I destroyed and now I need to live without them, things I can’t replace.)

Nothing happened.

Using multiple free trials.

Could you imagine having your arm cut off and everyone assumes you’re bleeding to death because of autism and there’s nothing that can be done about it?

I need more bike lanes

Still going to work overtime nothing matters

I should withdraw my paycheck in cash and burn the cash every week. I only want to work. I don’t want to get paid anymore.

Free Speech!

Black cats are the purest.

I’m sorry.

I’ve destroyed this account as well.

It’s true that people can be children at heart, and there’s nothing wrong with it. They have jobs, but at home they snuggle plushies and bathe in slime because they bought those things with adult money.

I’ve broken my phone, scuffed up just about all of my devices, punched several holes in my bedroom wall, scratched my glasses, torn my favorite clothes, destroyed my favorite accessories, spilled several perfumes and skincare products, broken my favorite figurines, ripped my favorite posters, scraped up my legs and arms, and scratched up my face.

I’m in so much pain but I’m just so angry that I can barely feel it. My hands are bleeding and are so sore that holding stuff is hard, I keep dropping things now. I’m shaking with anger every day. Anger that I’m finally experiencing today for things that happened years ago. I couldn’t express anything then, I’d just shut down and let it happen. Now I’m ruining my life over things caused by people who forgot who I was. One of my worst abusers found it funny and told me she’d take pictures of the institution and show them to me later on in life. Because she knew I was traumatized there and it was funny.

I really can’t take it anymore. Everything hurts, I can’t vent about it, and destroying my belongings and harming myself solves nothing but cause more pain. But I can’t stop destroying stuff. I can’t stop hurting myself. I’m just going to destroy everything I own until I have no clothes to wear to work, and make myself uglier than I am with bruises and scars, and whatever happens after then happens if it does.

Honestly I can’t trust anyone it just feels like everyone views me as less than, that everything positive is backhanded and fake, and that all criticism is vague so I continue to be worthless stinky filthy stupid scum. Everyone finds everything about me incredibly funny. I am unlovable worthless scum.

I already know and I wish society would quit treating me like a mary sue that can do everything perfectly because of some fake shit

🤜🧱🩸🤜🧱🩸🤜🧱🩸🤜🧱🩸🤜🧱🩸🤜🧱🩸🤜🧱🩸🤜🧱🩸

🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸

🚑

Do you know how many mentally disabled people are just cheated out of growing up by the world around them and not by their disability?

27 and yes. Feel like I lost all the time I had being young, and missed out on everything I could have experienced without looking like an overgrown child or an adult who peaked in high school desperately trying to relive being a teenager again.

I am not talented, smart, pretty, or rich.