There is no point in trying to make my life better after it was completely ruined from the start. I peaked at 5. I’m sick of society. Everyone is horrible and believes I deserved to be abused. I’ve destroyed just about everything I own and ruined my body much further by trying to kill myself and not making it, just to avoid involving other people. Fuck it, I’m going by train or cop, whoever killed me 100% would have abused me in the past or pointed and laughed at the scum looking in their direction out of the short bus window. I never had any value to anyone except bullies and abusers. I will only serve as a thing for actual people to hurt for their entertainment. Nothing will change regardless of how much I Act Like I’m More Than.
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I hate that I’m still alive in this society where I only exist to be hurt. Instead of just euthanizing unwanted kids, we just abuse them into killing themselves. That’s so much better than being given a morphine overdose as an infant, apparently.
I should have killed myself at 7 when I first wanted to. I was right that nothing will change. I should have never allowed those people to abuse me more and get away with it. I should have made my mother and family guilty for being responsible for a child’s suicide. Everyone continues to hurt me in the same way. What is the point of having a child if you’re going to treat it like scum?