So, I am a 21 year old male but when I was a kid about 8 maybe 9 l had this friend from church also male, who is a couple years younger than me. One day were sitting somewhere and he mentioned something about wanting to touch my butt, and he tried to grab it. And then I think I was playing with something and dropped it so I reached down to pick it up and he smacked me like four times rapidly. He seemed to find it amusing. I thought it was kind of weird for a bit but eventually I forgot about it and we remained cool friends. He hasn’t acted that way since and this was over a decade ago. I know his grandma said he used to have a problem with seizures as a kid. He still goes to the church but not as often because he works now. Like I said, I hadn’t even thought about it until like a month ago when I read an article about a celebrity who had been sexually abused as a kid. And it triggered me for some reason and has been kind of bothering me. I just wanted to know if this was an assault or just inappropriate childhood behavior.
Well, it reads as just silly kid stuff. Kids do dumb shit because they’re kids.
The important part is whether or not it was traumatic to you, not whether it was sexual, or abuse, or sexual abuse.
It doesn’t seem like it did. It seems more like it was just weird and that was that, and that you’re looking back on it as something more than it was then. This isn’t to minimize your experiences, it’s just saying that your phrasing and the question itself point towards it not being traumatic at the time.
Was it inappropriate? Yeah, but it’s very likely nothing bad was meant by it. Even if it was sexual on his end, that doesn’t mean he was intentionally breaking consent in a conscious way, or that kids making mistakes like that is inherently a bad thing overall. Something can be inappropriate, but not wrong because if someone lacks the capacity to understand that it’s wrong, it just isn’t the same thing as when they do, and choose to perform a hurtful act.
Me? I think I’d just let it go and not worry about it if possible. If it isn’t possible, then it might mean there’s issues with it that need resolution with external help, so the attempt to do so kinda serves as a self diagnosis. If you’re able to easily put it aside, then it wasn’t traumatic (or not enough to matter).
It may help you to know that that kind of thing is super common. Over on reddit, there was a sub called morbid questions, and I couldn’t begin to tell you how often people would ask what you’re asking, with the same or similar circumstances. Kids get dumb ideas, and lack the inhibition to not act on it. Kids can engage in sexual abuse, yes, but there is a difference between that and just doing something rude like slapping an ass. It’s about intent, extent, and situation.
It may also help to know that, even if your friend did intend it as a sexual act, and did so knowing that it wasn’t acceptable behavior, that you aren’t obligated to feel any specific way about it. You don’t have to feel the same as someone else might; you don’t have to be okay with it because someone else is, you don’t have to be upset because someone else is. Your experience is yours.
Very well said. I know I will see him again because he graduates next month and his family invited mine to it. Last time I saw him was New Year’s Eve and that situation didn’t even cross my mind at all