By “party”, I mean a physical social gathering of people for the purposes of having fun. It may be used in a sentence as “I am throwing a party!” or “Let’s party!”.
Basically what I am trying to say is the default “party”.

I’ve never been to any, and I have no idea how people spend their time on parties, so I am curious how you did.

  • @[email protected]English
    204•9 months ago

    Since I didn’t see any responses that directly answered the question of what do you DO, I’ve prepared a short guide for a generic social gathering. This guide may be inappropriate in some contexts such as a dinner party or event/tv show watching party, etcetera:

    1. Show up
    • Not at the exact start time, but at a minimum of 15-20 minutes “late”
    • Bringing an unopened bottle of wine or a 6-pack of beer, or another drink of choice is almost always a classy move.
    • If you drove, don’t park like an asshole. Consider the neighbors.
    • If you’re standing on the doorstep and you can hear music, it’s probably safe to just walk in (make sure you’re at the right place!). Otherwise, knock/ring doorbell.
    1. Party!
    • Get yourself a drink and/or a plate of food if snacks are out
    • Find friends and say hi! You should probably know at least one other person. How else would you have been invited?
    • Explore! Hosts expect people in their house so it’s generally okay to look around, admire artwork, investigate the music, go into the backyard, etc. Don’t go anywhere that’s obviously closed off, unlit, or otherwise not a party locale.
    • Talk and socialize. Meet new people! Ask your friend(s) to introduce you to their friend(s). Lightly eavesdrop on convos for something interesting you can talk about. Listen in general. Ask people what they like to do. Share stories about yourself! Pro tip: the length of your stories should be proportional to how well you know the person you’re telling it to. Just met the person? Suuuuper short stories. “No way! That reminds me of the time my cat was in the bathroom when she got hit by a car! The vet said she was very lucky to have a good friend!” (Confession: I used autocomplete to write that story)
    • Dance!
    • Find the host and complement their place, the party, the music, food, whatever. Just be nice. Offer to help if they look at all stressed.
    • Play party games like beer pong or whatever.
    1. Leave! Say thanks. Take your stuff. Cleanup whatever plates/glasses you’ve used. Don’t drive drunk. Don’t overstay your welcome.

    This was probably too much info. I have insomnia. I hope someone reads this.

    • @[email protected]
      21•9 months ago

      I have some details that could supplement the outline.

      Just for reference. Talk and socialise genarally take up anywhere from 80-95% of total time spent at parties. Generally most other activities include socialising even though they’re structured. Beer pong you talk about beer pong and/or make fun of people’s throws as well as just regular talking.

      For neurodivergent people I recommend searching areas with fewer people, smoking is very convenient in those situations for a break between 3 sets of talking 10 minutes. Alcohol really helps too since it removes some of the talking friction. Dancing is also a good option since it’s less talking and is a structured activity that’s well received at most parties.

      I enjoy parties as a charge of pace and getting rid of loneliness for example. Talking to friends and ignoring the rest is also fun but parties are exhausting imo.

    • the_itsb [she/her, comrade/them]
      17•9 months ago

      You did a truly excellent job of answering the question thoroughly! Thanks for putting in so much effort, I bet this will be really helpful. ❤️

    • @[email protected]
      7•9 months ago

      You’re not the first one saying a person should arrive late. Why is this a thing? Is it just a cultural norm in the West? Or is it a thing everywhere?

      • @[email protected]
        6•9 months ago

        Not late late, just late enough that the host has had time to make sure everything is in order, or just to not be the first guest to show up.

        Usually a party lasts at least a few hours, so showing up 30 minutes after the start of the party isn’t “being late,” it’s just showing up to a party in progress. Unless it’s a specifically scheduled “arrive at 8pm” kind of affair, in which case the host would mention it and you’d be expected to be there at that time.

      • SeventyTwoTrillion [he/him]English
        5•9 months ago

        Because arriving at a party when there’s not many people around can be awkward especially if you aren’t already friends with the host. So you wait for more people to arrive first.

      • @xmunk
        2•9 months ago

        It’s a really weird thing and something you should carefully consider based on the type of party. The 15 minutes late advice only really applies to getting drunk parties in college.

        • @[email protected]
          1•8 months ago

          Yeah if this party is in the Situation Room with the President, you should show up a little early.

          Nothing’s quite so awkward as showing up already drunk, dressed wrong, and 25 minutes late to a special briefing about the volcano erupting in Cleveland.

      • @[email protected]
        4•9 months ago

        As a neurodivergent, I get through these events by pretending to be an alien anthropologist trying to blend in and study humans. Conversations are usually easy to start by asking, “So, how do you know the host?” Most people enjoy talking about themselves, so if you nod and listen, you’ll be popular.

        Occasionally you’ll meet someone truly interesting. Arrange to meet with them later and follow up. This is pretty much the best way to make friends in the modern age, with intentionality.

        • @[email protected]
          2•8 months ago

          “pretending” to be an alien anthropologist trying to blend in and study humans

          There, I fixed that for you

      • @xmunk
        3•9 months ago

        Good parties are wonderful, the type of party described above does sound miserable but you can choose which parties you want to attend. Personally I like parties that revolve around board games and interesting conversations where the only real social rule is to bring something: cheeses, an appetizer, weird booze, just something so all the provisions aren’t the sole duty of the host.

      • @[email protected]
        1•9 months ago

        I’m ADHD, never investigated but scoring high on ASD assessments. It can be fun, with the right people. It wholly depends on who’s there. I’m usually with the people sitting outside, having fun conversations over a beer and/or a joint. It’s just the genetic term for “gathering where there’s food and substances”. You’ll find that you can often meet other NDs overwhelmed by the amount of people and music waiting for you over there. Chill times.

        • @[email protected]
          4•9 months ago

          Reading comprehension seems difficult, so I’ll go over it again, quoted verbatim from my previous comment:

          ADHD, never investigated but scoring high on ASD assessments

          Here’s what you can deduce from this sentence:

          • I’m ADHD
          • I scored high on ASD assessment tests
          • Never got diagnosed for it (it being ASD)

          Here’s what you can’t deduce from this sentence:

          • “random online tests”: the self-assessment tests I made were provided by both my family doc and official governmental health resources
          • that I don’t have something because I don’t currently have an official diagnosis: do you think people with cancer don’t have cancer until a doctor says so? I spoke with professionals, but I’d need an adult assessment. Neuropsychiatric resources are already scarce for children as is it, getting an appointment for an adult over here is a rather difficult and time consuming process, for, in my case, discutable benefits

          Why do you do this?

          • @[email protected]
            2•8 months ago

            My least favorite thing in the entire universe is having to take time to explicitly spell out what I’m not saying.

            I fucking hate that people can’t stop reading extra shit I didn’t write.