Yeah the chorus seems to have the same structure as the verse, and it changes the lyrics of the chorus each time. You’d sing the same chorus each time, maybe extending it the second or third time through.
I just meant it doesn’t fit the chorus in “Drops Of Jupiter.” Some variation is valid - like “What’s My Age Again.” Or for an example at least this extreme, “One Week” by the Barenaked Ladies.
I was meaning more the overall concept of the lyrics. “Since her return from her stay on the moon.” etc. Where the rhyming scheme of various space words was more important than their actual meaning.
Scansion needs tweaking in a few places, but that is not bad.
WAIT is this just redneckified Drops of Jupiter?
… as opposed to what?
Anyway the chorus doesn’t work. Otherwise: apt.
Yeah the chorus seems to have the same structure as the verse, and it changes the lyrics of the chorus each time. You’d sing the same chorus each time, maybe extending it the second or third time through.
I just meant it doesn’t fit the chorus in “Drops Of Jupiter.” Some variation is valid - like “What’s My Age Again.” Or for an example at least this extreme, “One Week” by the Barenaked Ladies.
I was meaning more the overall concept of the lyrics. “Since her return from her stay on the moon.” etc. Where the rhyming scheme of various space words was more important than their actual meaning.