I just want to vent a bit - I started seeing someone a few weeks ago. Old fling that I ran into through some friends that got rekindled, and I was excited that it seemed like more than just casual hookups this time. But there were some yellow flags I ignored that turned out to be red flags, and now I’m feeling frustrated and hurt.

Dude for real dropped the line that men are more “capable” and “logical” on me. That gender studies are “indoctrination.” I told him we should probably stop seeing each other if that’s really what he thinks. It wouldn’t be logical for me to keep seeing someone that thinks lesser of me, now, would it?

I’m grateful to have some guy friends that I turned to after I left, cuz I wanted to go into “fuck all men” mode, but I know it’s not true or helpful. Just like there are women out there that have internalized misogyny, there’s feminist men, enbies, etc. We’re all just people and we’re not monoliths beholden to differences in biology. This is just sexist, manosphere bullshit in particular

Anyway. I’m still feeling angry and wanted to put it out there for some support and solidarity. Anyone have a recent win they’d like to share or something?

ETA: Thank you so much for the conversation y’all! I’ve been trying to keep up but I gotta get some sleep. I’ll check in later but hope everyone has a good day. Keep up the empowerment! 💜

    • JoeBigelow@lemmy.caEnglish
      6·
      1 year ago

      Have you considered that you might suffer a bit of confirmation bias? Honest question, not trying to put you down. I just don’t see lots of those guys in relationships myself, and women in my area are pretty aware of their toxicity.

        • agent_flounder@lemmy.worldEnglish
          3·
          1 year ago

          You know what I see?

          I’m married. 20 years. I do my best to be good to her and vice versa. All but one of our married friends are decent men and women that treat each other well. The one exception is a guy who was always a total dick and sloughed off his responsibilities as a dad and husband. Pretty sure he has some kind of anti social personality disorder. The divorce was and bitter. Fuck that asshole. They married really young.

          Anyway. The point is, my anecdotal experience is very different from yours. Good healthy relationships aren’t possible with manosphere dickheads.

          Yeah they might attract some women, the ones that have some big issues to work on. Nobody who has healthy self esteem is going to put up with that shit.

          So what does that tell you about how well girls are treated growing up? There are way too many traumatized girls growing into traumatized women. I’ve read and heard so many stories of women having to sort themselves out so they can stop dating these shit bags.

          The assholes may prey on vulnerable women but in the end those guys are going to be on their Nth failed marriage and bitter and never point the finger at themselves.

          Meanwhile the relatively decent guys usually find someone and manage to build an actual life together with that person based on mutual respect and partnership. I’ve seen it over and over and over again.

          Also every man likely has things to learn about regarding sexism. I did and I will always be learning more. I wished I had known in my teens what I know now. We are all steeped in this sexist, racist, competitive, exploitative culture and even if we don’t want it to, some of that poison infects lur own thinking. It’s inescapable. But it’s also something we can recognize and fight too.

          Also, no, half the country isn’t assholes. Just less than half that actually vote. So maybe 1/3.

    • squiblet@kbin.social
      6·
      1 year ago

      One key to understanding the relationship success of coal-rolling MAGA idiots is that women are not automatically more intelligent, aware, mature or sensitive themselves. Some may find they’re unhappy with a partner like that but it’s just as likely they prefer it because they are the same way themselves.