Lol, a man walks into a bar with his pet monkey. Monkey jumps on the bar, grabs a cracker and eats it. Then monkey grabs a lemon and eats that too. Finally monkey jumps on the pool table, grabs the q ball and eats that. Bartender says “hey, your monkey ate the q ball”. The guy responds " he eats everything". The guy pays his tab, pays for the eaten q ball, takes the monkey and leaves.
2 weeks later the guy and his monkey return. Monkey jumps on the bar, grabs a cherry, sticks it up his ass then eays it. Next the monkey grabs a peanut, sticks it up his ass then eats it. The bartender says “hey, why is the monkey sticking things up his ass before eating them?”. The guy responds " well, he still eats everything, but after shitting out that q ball he measures first".
A couple of farmers are going to lose their farm, but they have one last ditch effort to make enough money to pay off their debts and keep their family farm. They’re going to win the county faire’s hog contest.
But they need to fatten up the pig pretty quickly. Their solution? Put a cork in the pig’s ass and just feed the pig a lot. It worked. The pig started bloating up and eventually was ready for the faire, which they handily won.
So they win, get to keep their farm, but now they have this poor fat pig with a cork up it’s ass. The farmers didn’t want to remove the cork themselves. So they took some of their winnings and got a little spider monkey which they began to train on bottles how to remove a cork, then put the monkey in the barn with the pig.
Not more than an hour later do they hear a loud shriek come from the barn. One of the farmers goes to check it out and just comes back laughing his fucking ass off.
“What happened? What was going on? What’s so funny?!”
“Well the barn’s an absolute mess. But you shoulda seen that monkey all covered in pig shit tryna put the cork back.”
Similar in spirit
Three assholes target a dumb kid for bullying.
They train a monkey to sneak into the kid’s room and put a cork in his ass. One night, they successfully execute project monkey plug.
Over the next few days, the kid’s belly starts swelling, and he decides he’s pregnant.
After another day or two of that, even three hardened bullies decide it’s enough, and send the monkey in to pull the plug.
A giant blast of gas and feces spews at the monkey, stunning it and partially gluing it to the wall.
The kid wakes up, obviously. He looks around all confused and sees the monkey.
He jumps out of bed, runs over to it and starts hugging it, saying “you’re ugly, you’re hairy, and covered in shit, but you’re all mine!”
That’s the stripped down version. It can be adjusted fairly easy to have more punch for a given audience.
Oh no, that is hilarious.