I need help. I’m completely socially isolated and inept. I have been for the majority of my life. I’m in my late 20s now and I’ve never had a friend, or any kind of relationship. I feel I’m too depressed to begin extraciting myself from this deep chasm I’ve drifted into now. I work as much as I can, never turning down a shift, but if I’m not at work I sleep or lay on the floor at home, crippled. No energy or motivation to do anything, even eat. Work is my only chance to socialise. I’m grateful my coworkers are nice to me, and they’re the only good thing in my life. I’m far more attached to them than they are to me. They’re not friends. They just put up with me.

I can’t do this anymore. I’ve sold all my possessions of any value, and I’m ready to go. I’ve already attempted suicide and ended up in the psych ward before. I don’t know how to form relationships. I’m too fucked up. I want friends, but what do friends do? How do you know if someone’s your friend? I’ve been isolated for so long I don’t know how to be with others. I’m past the physical symptoms of social anxiety. I used to shake, sweat profusely, stammer, feel like my clothes were choking me, etc., but now I’m just numb all the time. My mind still goes blank when I attempt to converse though.

I’m miserable and repulsive. I know that. No one wants to be around people like me, but I can’t fix this alone. I don’t know how to fix this. I’m too ashamed. I can’t face people.

    • qW7xXbu5J@lemmy.worldEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      Am Op. Lost credentials for the other account. Responding to old post but idk.

      People say “see a therapist”. I had. For nearly a year. And then I was seeing a psychiatrist too. It doesn’t matter. If they’re good at their job or not, it still doesn’t matter. At the end of the day you leave their office the exact same person you were when you went in. It’s all a huge waste of time. And money. Psychology is a scam. Medications are useless trash.

      Some people are born broken, others are broken in their formative years. You can’t fix it. You can be patched up, but “normal” people see that a mile away and avoid you. Similar broken people may hang around, but they do that only because other people have already rejected them.

      Life’s retarded if you’re not configured to be blissfully unaware of literally everything. When you can’t feel normal, or happy ever, what’s the point?

      Quit my job. Plan on doing some travels before kms. If miserable people go those that are left would be better off.

            • qW7xXbu5J@lemmy.world
              1·
              1 year ago

              Oh, the assumption of no pre-thought is amusing. I have a large supply of prescription only medications. I know it works, because it’s been knocking me out for the past year.

              You don’t even need a sleeping aid. The monoxide will do that for you.

              All places are interesting. Start off in china, vietnam, japan, singapore, wherever. This part is the one with no foundation. It doesn’t have to. Go wherever I’m allowed to on my passport. Move on before I overstay.