“The ostracizing looks I get while patrolling drag brunches with my AR-15 make me feel like a second-class citizen.”

“They’re always rubbing the silence of an indifferent universe into our faces.”

“They mind their own business, which is super passive-aggressive.”

“Sometimes I just want to walk up to these counterprotesters and say, ‘Let people live their lives.’”

“They won’t even let us burn all their books!”

“They cynically use basic logic and rational thought to make me question my deeply held beliefs, knowing full well I don’t want to do that.”

“Atheists have oppressed us to the point where I can only practice my religion at home, at church, at city council meetings, with my family, at work, in my car, with friends, at the mall, and in public parks.”

“Anyone existing in a different way is harmful to me somehow.”

The Onion is getting lazy. They’re supposed to be writing satire, but they are just getting quotes from actual Christians.