I don’t understand it but apparently most people respond to shame by doubling down.
Instead of “dude I can’t believe you voted for trump. He’s a rapist failed business man who wants to destabilize Europe and be a dictator” doesn’t yield “yeah I fucked up” in most people, but instead “no you’re an asshole and I did nothing wrong!”
Admitting fault is a power move and more people should embrace it.
To shame someone, he must already agree with you that what he did is wrong, and consider you morally supperior. You can brute-force it with small children, because these propositions hold. Adults will just think you’re an asshole.
Shame is psychologically painful - or brain will do amazing things to avoid that pain. You’re right that admitting fault is a power move, but it requires being able to cope with that potential pain and move forward. Easier to just assert the other person is wrong and avoid that pain completely.
I don’t understand it but apparently most people respond to shame by doubling down.
Instead of “dude I can’t believe you voted for trump. He’s a rapist failed business man who wants to destabilize Europe and be a dictator” doesn’t yield “yeah I fucked up” in most people, but instead “no you’re an asshole and I did nothing wrong!”
Admitting fault is a power move and more people should embrace it.
To shame someone, he must already agree with you that what he did is wrong, and consider you morally supperior. You can brute-force it with small children, because these propositions hold. Adults will just think you’re an asshole.
Shame is psychologically painful - or brain will do amazing things to avoid that pain. You’re right that admitting fault is a power move, but it requires being able to cope with that potential pain and move forward. Easier to just assert the other person is wrong and avoid that pain completely.