I’m young, I’m male, I’m gay and a “side” (side = neither top nor bottom, I just don’t like anal sex at all).

The question might be weird, but serious: How do I get started with non-anal sex (e.g. oral, handjobs or frotting)?

I’d like to start using Grindr or similar and meet people, but:

  • not liking anal sex eliminates what most people like to do. Are there even people on Grindr like me? Most of the profiles are like “top”, “bottom”, “versatile”, but all with a focus on anal sex.
  • oral sex is kind of a difficult topic. Doing it without a condom with a person you’ve never seen before feels unsafe. Doing it with a condom feels weird.
  • When doing handjobs or frotting, at least the topic “safer sex” is pretty much gone, but it could be difficult to find people for that.
  • should I try to get something like PrEP? Is it even worth it in my situation when I’m at “step zero”?

Anyone here with a similar situation or with tips for me?

  • emmanuel_car@kbin.social
    1·
    11 months ago

    Hey, good on you for approaching this thoughtfully. There are some good comments on here already, I’d like to add that there are plenty of people on grindr and the like that aren’t after anal, just be up front, have it in your profile if you’re comfortable with that, and don’t feel like you have to compromise on what you want. It’s not always easy, but comes more naturally with practice.

    Also, PrEP is a good thing to start on if you’re feeling anxious about catching HIV. When I got on PrEP it felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I was much more comfortable and prepared for sex, and getting STI screenings is now part of my regular healthcare routine, so it doesn’t feel like anything big or scary.

    PrEP doesn’t cover everything obviously, so condoms and regular screening will help reduce your risk of catching something and passing it on to others in the community. If you’re ever ready to stop using condoms, that’s 100% a choice between you and your partner. You should be confident and comfortable with that decision, just like not wanting anal you will have to practice having that conversation and recognise it will mean missing some opportunities, but there are always other guys, and anyone who won’t respect your boundaries isn’t going to be a good lay anyway.

    Update us when you take the plunge and let us know how it goes!