I have my first child due very soon. It’s already been an internal oddysey for me during pregnancy and I’m aware that that’s just the beginning of it. But you lot are on the other side of the birth, so:
What should I understand right now to help me keep the courage and love to embrace this?
Also, a very humble request that you could spare a wish that our baby is born well. I really want it and anything might help!
Thanks!
I have three kids and I think the most important thing for the first few days is to initiate the help. Don’t wait to change a diaper, check it. If you do formula, take the first few feedings. Let your partner get extra sleep if they can.
When it’s time for you to go home it will be the weirdest feeling in the world. At no other point in life will you grow up so fast and feel like an adult. It’s normal and we are all doing our best, dint try to be perfect.
Thank you 🙏
You can read volumes, you can get as much advice as possible. You can do hundreds of things, but nothing, absolutely nothing will prepare you for the moment you hold that new born human in your arms and realize you helped make it, and you now have a whole lifetime ahead with responsibilities you don’t yet understand. With more joy, and more sorrow than you thought it was possible to deal with.
I have three sons and one daughter, and even though the boys are grown and having their own kids, the challenges don’t end.
I mostly think I suck at life, but I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that one thing I have not sucked at, is being a dad.
Good luck to you, your significant other shed three new little person you’re bringing into existence!
I don’t know you and I’m excited for you!
Thank you so much! I’m excited too! And scared sometimes… It sounds like you really love your kids and grandkids. The best idea I’ve got so far is that love is the most important thing. I already love the baby in my imagination and I just hope I will when they come out too. Thank you so much
You will love that little kid in ways you can’t yet imagine, and it will impossibly grow day by day and year by year. Love is absolutely the most important thing.
The first 3 months will be the most chaotic and difficult of them all. Soon afterwards your baby will smile at you for the first time (social smile, not ‘I’m farting’ smile); after that things will just keep getting better.
Remember your well being is just as important. which does mean you need to know when you need a break too. A baby can cry for it a bit. It will be fine. Have patience and know nothing will go perfectly. It seems difficult but a lot will change once you are on your way home and it feels like you’re stealing a baby from the hospital. You got it.
Thanks, I think I needed to hear that. I definitely have a tendency to try and ‘over-perform’ and it doesn’t usually help! Will try and take it steady
Remember your well being is just as important. which does mean you need to know when you need a break too. A baby can cry for it a bit. It will be fine.
A friend still speaks fondly of the time I popped around because she had got out of hospital with her baby and it turned out I was the first visitor so she passed the baby over and went off for a shower. As long as someone semi-competent is keeping an eye on them, you know the crying isn’t some disaster that requires immediate attention.
I’m not sure where everyone else was but I think they were letting mum and baby have bonding time, when mum really wanted some non-baby time. So don’t be shy about asking for help. Or telling people to stay away if that’s what’s required too. If you leave people to their own devices it’s probably not going to be exactly what’s needed at any one time.
Learn how to swaddle the baby. It’s the magic of a calm baby.
Good luck! I hope your baby is healthy.
Things that really worked for me/us:
- Every baby is different and people who’ve written books aren’t always right.
- Happiest Baby on the Block was the one that worked the best for us, but you can get by with the video ratcher than reading the book (Swaddle, Shake (but do it gently), Shhh… And it’s been a decade, damnit, I can’t remember).
- Give yourself (and your partner) grace. You’re human and will be tired. Just know you’re both doing your best.
- C-section? If you can afford it, stay in a hotel for the first few nights. Room service, maid service, and your partner only has to stumble a few feet to get to the loo. (our bathroom at the time was on a different floor than the bedroom!)
- Check things early: crib, car seat, pacifier (we did one that had a stuffed animal attached, they were great), white noise machine, bassinet, wow thinking about this reminds me how expensive it is…
- WHATEVER THE PREGNANT PERSON WANTS. I got NO ice cream or milk shakes but got a TON of salads from Subway consisting mostly of banana peppers. Not worth the fight.
- As someone else said, just do stuff. Don’t wait to be asked. Change the diaper, feed or help with feeding, dress the kiddo, snuggle the baby.
- Baby breath smells good.
- Kids become interactive really fast, and they won’t remember a bit of it, but they’re generally adorable.
- Burp cloths.
- If you haven’t changed a diaper yet, it’s a thing to learn. I changed my first diaper about a month before my kid was born, and still almost got it wrong.
- If your child is going to be penis-possessing at birth: yes, you should cover their penis every time you change their diaper. Their range if uncovered is measured IN YARDS.
- Hat. Baby heads get cold.
- Do nice things for partner and not just baby.
- Every baby is different and what worked for me won’t necessarily work for you.
Good luck!
I’ll add that the burp cloths we got were useless at absorbing. We got bar towels and they worked great. Plus the little one loved to play with the texture. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007JCHAGE
Wow, this is a great list! I wish i had thought of number four!
There’s so much great input put in this thread! I don’t think i have much to offer other than these:
A simple baby carrier like the one I used from konny will go a long way toward bonding with baby while still getting things done. Anything that’s portable enough the stuff in a pocket and machine washable is a big win in my book.
The main job of the first couple months revolves around getting milk or formula into that little mouth. Your life will revolve around planning, preparing, feeding, cleaning, storing, etc. Every baby is different, so it will take a while how to find a rhythm, system, diet, etc. that works for everyone. If the expensive formula mixer or bottle sanitizer makes your life easier, then consider it an investment. It is a job.
Focus on your values and your communication with your partner. Will you pursue job opportunities to build a financial future, or spend extra time being present with baby? How important is baby’s relationship with Grandparents and other family? A healthy parenting relationship is all about values and communication, and what you establish in those first few months sets your baseline for the future.
In my culture we say, b’sha-a tova, which means, “may everything with the pregnancy and birth happen at the proper time and in the right way.”
Don’t let them sleep in a bouncer or leave them in a car seat on the ground for an extended period of time. If they’re having poops every diaper, preemptively apply thick butt paste, I like boudreaux’s. At night don’t both you and your partner get up at the same time if you can help it. Switch off or block off sections of the night, though this won’t work if you’re exclusively breast feeding. If you are feeling tired holding the baby, put the baby down in the crib. Baby wearing is great (I believe it counts as tummy time and can count as skin to skin if you have skin exposed). I personally like the moby wrap the best, though the ring sling is quicker. Another option is the lillebaby carrier which my wife prefers. Sorry this is a bit disjointed but currently up with a fussy newborn :P
Wishing baby, mom, and you the best of health. Lots of awesome advice here already but I’ll add that depending where you are, and if you’ll need it, you might want start looking into daycare now. Waitlists around here are months long.
Also, if there are pre-natal classes available, definitely check those out. My wife got a ton of good information but there was also lots of advice for the dads there too.
One final bit of advice which others have already mentioned, but is worth repeating is to have patience. Some days are going to be a slog and it will feel like things will never get back to the comfortable life you had before. And they actually won’t, but you’ll find yourself in a way better place than you could have imagined back then. I recommend the song You Ruined Everything which sums it up pretty well.
