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I feel like this is the part people least understand, focus is not a matter of desire but of ability.
I was just thinking about this today. Like, I wish I could. I’m trying so hard. I’ve got my focus white noise, I’m not avoiding the work, I’ve taken my meds, I drank water, I got enough sleep, I went for a walk…I did everything I’m supposed to do and my brain is flipping me the bird.
Hold on people can intentionally put their full focus into stuff? I can force myself to pay attention to something but actually like… focus-focus and not immediately get distracted is basically impossible
Not a woman, but for me it’s like trying to make the same-poles of a magnet touch. Brain says “nope, nuh-uh, no way, forget it cowpoke, now we’re thinking about WHY the universe is structured to forbid perpetual motion machines from working”
It’s because God is a capitalist
The few times I’ve neared this state and have forced my nose to the grind stone, I burn out for days.
I remember someone in my dorm was appalled that I wasn’t going to do one of the bullshit irrelevant assignments in this college class and I had no idea how to explain that my brain just wasn’t going to do this one.
Edit: Sorry just saw this is a woman’s space
It’s just lovely, isn’t it. Especially when the task is something rather important, and the break my brain needs means possibly failing to do it in time, which introduces stress and anxiety that make it even harder to ever complete the task, because I’m now conditioned to feel bad whenever I think about it.
This is why I understand the people I support.
If someone I’m supporting says, “I’m done,” and folds their hands and stops doing a task, I respect that so damn much. I’ve learned so much about healthy boundaries from supporting people with disabilities.
If you smoke weed you can blame cannabis instead of yourself. But eventually it stops working. 😑
