It will get better. You’re aware of your issues and have the courage to face them. You don’t recognize it right now, but that is absolutely vital. Trust me. I know from personal experience.

In time, you’ll get to the point where you catch yourself before saying something you’ll wish you hadn’t. That’ll be a nice feeling - maybe not at the time, but you’ll look back on it and be proud of yourself. Enjoy it. It will be hard earned.