Note: This post is satire and not supposed to diagnose anyone.

I recently got diagnosed and I find some of his behaviors kind of relatable. So I decided to watch some of his speeches. Now I learned over the years to act and talk in a more structured way, but if I had thousands of people worshiping me I would also remove that filter. Listening to him I remembered more and more similarities:

• He gets distracted mid sentence a LOT. He also inserts random comments into his own speeches. While I don’t do this anymore, it takes a lot of energy to not do it.
• Officials had to fill documents with his name, to keep him reading. Maybe if my high-school teachers did this, I would have actually read some of those boring-ass books.
• He apparently got mad and threw his Nuggies at a wall. While I never did that, I also get mad at dumb things and if I had cleaning staff and food was cheap…
• He promised to do a lot of stuff in office, but watched fox-news instead. As for myself by comparison, lets just say God created YouTube to fuck over me specifically.
• He seems to live in another universe and I also have several entire story lines in my head at all times.
• I am also a very stable genius.

All in all a very relatable guy. Now, should you vote for someone I can relate to? Probably not. The only job I qualify for is “mad scientist”, which I believe Trump might also qualify for. Now, you might say: “But Mare, he is way to stupid for that.” And okay, yea, point taken. I don’t want this guy as a colleague anyway.

Some of you may have been wondering what the point of this post is. And to you I say; I don’t know, I just want to see what happens if we give this guy Amphetamines. Will he become more effective? Will his supporters realize how dumb he is if he gets his points out more coherently? Will he just immediately die of a heart-attack? And is there a way for me to get more Trumps for a bigger sample size and a control group?

The last question might have an answer: I could run for office as the control group. I don’t even need a lot of policies. Just something like: Remove ethics-committees, they are holding back honest Americans trying to further human knowledge.

TL;DR: Plz, plz, plz, plz, give this guy meds. I wanna see what happens. And don’t vote for him, I need to run some tests and the Secret Service is really annoying to deal with.