Due to limited resources this hydra will grow only 3 heads for every 2 you cut off.

Because of supply issues, your infinite wealth will start arriving in 3 to 5 business days.

Due to shorter attention spans these cats only have 7 lives.

Due to budget cuts we’re dialing down eternal damnation to mild inconvenience for 30 years.

The 50% of the time thing actually solves a huge bug. Which incidentally is what’s on the other side of the wrong door

due to company reorganization and a recent IPO, we are now 4 independent contractor dwarves and an LLM