Honestly, most “ugly” people can be reasonably attractive if they get in shape, eat healthily (especially in a way that clears up their skin) and style themselves (clothes, hair, etc) in a way that suits them. Plus finding good angles and lighting for photos/videos, and building up some confidence and charisma for in-person interactions. Those things aren’t necessarily easy and they take patience and commitment, but most people can easily go up a few points on an attractiveness/10 scale if they manage them.
Doesn’t always work. Also this is likely me problem, but how do you get over people being judgemental in gym (about appearance/phyiscal capabilities)? It often scares me off from going to a gym.
It doesn’t guarantee people are going to look at you and think you’re a 10/10 because some features are out your control, but the difference between being overweight, poorly-dressed with bad skin, bad hair, etc, and being athletic/toned and well-groomed is huge. And while they might seem like superficial things that you feel you shouldn’t have to do for someone to like you, they also boost your confidence which tends to make you more attractive as a personality, too.
Also this is likely me problem, but how do you get over people being judgemental in gym (about appearance/phyiscal capabilities)? It often scares me off from going to a gym.
This can definitely take a little while to change your mindset on, but the big thing is just realising that no-one actually cares.
people are there to work out, not to judge others;
how much do you judge other people in the gym? Very little, I’d assume;
even if someone is judging you: so what? Does it actually matter what a stranger who you’ll likely never even see again thinks? You’re there to improve yourself, not to worry about their thoughts;
if someone actually comments to you, you can turn it into a positive thing. Tall them you’re new to the gym and would welcome pointers. Most people who’ll talk to you in the gym are just going to be asking “how long are you going to be using that?” or something similar, though;
there’s a pretty low chance someone will actually be rude to you, because most people are well aware that everyone starts somewhere, and that if you’re overweight/unfit then being in the gym is you already taking steps to fix that.
And most of those points apply to a lot of things in life - it’s very liberating when you realise that most people don’t really care about what you’re doing and that you should just do what makes you happy.
If it helps, you can also do some research before using the gym so you’re confident about how to use the machines and equipment. It removes that “what if I’m using it wrong and everything thinks I look like an idiot?” aspect for you to worry about.
And if you’re just worried about people judging your weight/fitness, you can exercise outside of the gym. Push-ups, sit-ups, squats, step-ups, etc, are all free and things you can do at home. You can probably find somewhere quiet to go for a run - especially early morning or late evening. Dumbbells are fairly cheap (relative to a gym membership for any extended period of time) and don’t take up much storage space at home; they be used for their own exercises and to enhance other exercises (just adding more weight to your squats, for instance). Resistance bands are another low-cost, low-space option.
So you can either start off exercising at home until you’re comfortable enough to step into a gym, or just keep working out at home and gradually expand your equipment as you see fit. Obviously some of the larger, more expensive machines you find in gyms have their uses - some of them ensure you’re doing the exercise in a healthy way, some of them allow you to work out multiple muscle groups at once that would otherwise be difficult (like the rowing machine), and some of them let you target specific muscles in specific ways - but the things I mentioned above can take you a long way.
The two most important things are just being consistent (so try to get into a routine) and making sure you’re doing it for yourself. Obviously we’re talking about it from a perspective of people finding you more attractive if you’re in good shape, but more important than that is doing it because you want to be happy and healthy - if you can become happy and healthy in yourself then other people finding you attractive will follow eventually.
Anyway, this turned into a bit of an essay but hopefully something I’ve said here has been helpful for you!
Thanks for long and helpful comment! However, I want to point out some things.
I am not overweight, and I care a lot about my hair and skin - I just lack muscles. I bet I am caring enough about my appearance in this sense. I guess my fashion sense might be off, though I try a lot.
That said, I do seem to lack self-confidence.
Theoretically (I guess in normal society), people do not judge others in gym. Yeah, there will be no reason to care whatsoever abt others, right? Really.
…except that this is not what happens in my country.
People are constantly looking at each other, even strangers, and care and judge about how one appears. This kind of “affection” (apparently) is ingrained in our culture.
Also, the general line of thought goes:
“Oh, overweight person. They are unfit for exercise, why are they here? Sharing the space with them makes me uncomfortable, this is our place!” Imo kind of disgusting, but what can I do?
That said, it is mostly just (loud) murmuring or talking to each other about the judgement, so I might be able to ignore that. It’s just difficult for me.
Anyway, sorry for ranting. I will try to do exercise at home and jog a bit!
If you are thin, but out of shape, lifting will give you very fast results, in terms of shape (looks not fitness though of course it will help with fitness). Because when it’s not obscured by fat, the muscle shows very quickly. But also you are probably judging yourself more harshly than others are.
And really - if you are thin, lift weights. I am kinda slender middle aged lady and even without the benefit of testosterone guys have, lifting weights quickly gives me shape through the arms and shoulders that really improves my look. I do it now more to keep my bone mass but it’s certainly the quickest path to looking shapely.
I didn’t mean to imply you are overweight, sorry if it came across like that! It’s more just that, besides general anxiety (which isn’t specific to the gym), the main reasons someone might be “gym shy” are because they’re overweight, unfit or unsure of how to use the equipment, so I wanted to touch on all of those things!
That said, I do seem to lack self-confidence.
I figured, seeing as you’re anxious about the gym and how people there might judge you, ha! Building confidence can take a long time, and definitely isn’t something that happens overnight. Obviously doing things you can be proud of - working towards a body you’re happy with, work achievements, artistic achievements, etc - can help a lot with building up confidence, but the big thing is working to adjust your perspective of yourself. Try to look at yourself how you look at other people; if you saw someone unfit working out in the gym, would you care? Or would you just have whatever your initial thought is and then move on?
…except that this is not what happens in my country.
It can definitely be a little more difficult if it’s ingrained into your culture for people to make a big deal out of things. Probably the best thing you can do - whether there are people around or not - is to listen to music/audiobooks/podcasts. It’s good for exercising anyway because it gives your mind something to focus on while your body does mindless exercises, but it also just lets you shut out other people entirely so it doesn’t matter whether they’re gossiping about you, talking about last night’s episode of whatever TV show, or something else.
Ultimately, though, trying to avoid basing your self-worth on other people’s opinions is something you should probably try to work towards. Not just because negative opinions can obviously bring you down and harm your self-esteem, but also because if you only feel good when surrounded by people and receiving positive reinforcement from them then it indicates you’re probably not happy with yourself
Anyway, sorry for ranting. I will try to do exercise at home and jog a bit!
That’s okay, having a good rant is healthy every now and then! Good luck with the exercise, and try to stick with it, even if you only do a small amount every day!
Honestly, most “ugly” people can be reasonably attractive if they get in shape, eat healthily (especially in a way that clears up their skin) and style themselves (clothes, hair, etc) in a way that suits them. Plus finding good angles and lighting for photos/videos, and building up some confidence and charisma for in-person interactions. Those things aren’t necessarily easy and they take patience and commitment, but most people can easily go up a few points on an attractiveness/10 scale if they manage them.
That sounds like a lot of work. I’m tryna win the Powerball instead…
Thank you for using this word. Many seem to have forgotten its existence, in more ways than one.
Doesn’t always work. Also this is likely me problem, but how do you get over people being judgemental in gym (about appearance/phyiscal capabilities)? It often scares me off from going to a gym.
It doesn’t guarantee people are going to look at you and think you’re a 10/10 because some features are out your control, but the difference between being overweight, poorly-dressed with bad skin, bad hair, etc, and being athletic/toned and well-groomed is huge. And while they might seem like superficial things that you feel you shouldn’t have to do for someone to like you, they also boost your confidence which tends to make you more attractive as a personality, too.
This can definitely take a little while to change your mindset on, but the big thing is just realising that no-one actually cares.
And most of those points apply to a lot of things in life - it’s very liberating when you realise that most people don’t really care about what you’re doing and that you should just do what makes you happy.
If it helps, you can also do some research before using the gym so you’re confident about how to use the machines and equipment. It removes that “what if I’m using it wrong and everything thinks I look like an idiot?” aspect for you to worry about.
And if you’re just worried about people judging your weight/fitness, you can exercise outside of the gym. Push-ups, sit-ups, squats, step-ups, etc, are all free and things you can do at home. You can probably find somewhere quiet to go for a run - especially early morning or late evening. Dumbbells are fairly cheap (relative to a gym membership for any extended period of time) and don’t take up much storage space at home; they be used for their own exercises and to enhance other exercises (just adding more weight to your squats, for instance). Resistance bands are another low-cost, low-space option.
So you can either start off exercising at home until you’re comfortable enough to step into a gym, or just keep working out at home and gradually expand your equipment as you see fit. Obviously some of the larger, more expensive machines you find in gyms have their uses - some of them ensure you’re doing the exercise in a healthy way, some of them allow you to work out multiple muscle groups at once that would otherwise be difficult (like the rowing machine), and some of them let you target specific muscles in specific ways - but the things I mentioned above can take you a long way.
The two most important things are just being consistent (so try to get into a routine) and making sure you’re doing it for yourself. Obviously we’re talking about it from a perspective of people finding you more attractive if you’re in good shape, but more important than that is doing it because you want to be happy and healthy - if you can become happy and healthy in yourself then other people finding you attractive will follow eventually.
Anyway, this turned into a bit of an essay but hopefully something I’ve said here has been helpful for you!
Thanks for long and helpful comment! However, I want to point out some things.
That said, I do seem to lack self-confidence.
…except that this is not what happens in my country. People are constantly looking at each other, even strangers, and care and judge about how one appears. This kind of “affection” (apparently) is ingrained in our culture.
Also, the general line of thought goes: “Oh, overweight person. They are unfit for exercise, why are they here? Sharing the space with them makes me uncomfortable, this is our place!” Imo kind of disgusting, but what can I do?
That said, it is mostly just (loud) murmuring or talking to each other about the judgement, so I might be able to ignore that. It’s just difficult for me.
Anyway, sorry for ranting. I will try to do exercise at home and jog a bit!
If you are thin, but out of shape, lifting will give you very fast results, in terms of shape (looks not fitness though of course it will help with fitness). Because when it’s not obscured by fat, the muscle shows very quickly. But also you are probably judging yourself more harshly than others are.
And really - if you are thin, lift weights. I am kinda slender middle aged lady and even without the benefit of testosterone guys have, lifting weights quickly gives me shape through the arms and shoulders that really improves my look. I do it now more to keep my bone mass but it’s certainly the quickest path to looking shapely.
Ohh thanks a lot, lifting sounds promising!
I didn’t mean to imply you are overweight, sorry if it came across like that! It’s more just that, besides general anxiety (which isn’t specific to the gym), the main reasons someone might be “gym shy” are because they’re overweight, unfit or unsure of how to use the equipment, so I wanted to touch on all of those things!
I figured, seeing as you’re anxious about the gym and how people there might judge you, ha! Building confidence can take a long time, and definitely isn’t something that happens overnight. Obviously doing things you can be proud of - working towards a body you’re happy with, work achievements, artistic achievements, etc - can help a lot with building up confidence, but the big thing is working to adjust your perspective of yourself. Try to look at yourself how you look at other people; if you saw someone unfit working out in the gym, would you care? Or would you just have whatever your initial thought is and then move on?
It can definitely be a little more difficult if it’s ingrained into your culture for people to make a big deal out of things. Probably the best thing you can do - whether there are people around or not - is to listen to music/audiobooks/podcasts. It’s good for exercising anyway because it gives your mind something to focus on while your body does mindless exercises, but it also just lets you shut out other people entirely so it doesn’t matter whether they’re gossiping about you, talking about last night’s episode of whatever TV show, or something else.
Ultimately, though, trying to avoid basing your self-worth on other people’s opinions is something you should probably try to work towards. Not just because negative opinions can obviously bring you down and harm your self-esteem, but also because if you only feel good when surrounded by people and receiving positive reinforcement from them then it indicates you’re probably not happy with yourself
That’s okay, having a good rant is healthy every now and then! Good luck with the exercise, and try to stick with it, even if you only do a small amount every day!
Thanks again!
For sure don’t bring it into the gym, but try getting a gun.
Huh, why?
SHOOT YOUR INNER DEMONS THAT HINDER YOUR CONFIDENCE.
Hehe.
Wish this matter worked like this…
Gun seems to be a confidence booster for some real trogs.
Not saying you are, but couldn’t hurt to try and see if it helps.