I didn’t come out until I was 26, and it went badly.
My dad sat in judgement and was very ashamed of me. He did change his mind much later but still said “I don’t like your lifestyle”.
Mum never changed and did not like it all.
Both of them are dead now, and… I don’t particularly miss them. I feel strange reading about how other people appreciate their parents.
My partner’s mum considers me her 2nd son. She’s been so accepting of me, as has her family. Same with my cousins, who my dad decided not to tell. When I did tell them after he died, they were mostly very welcoming.
My parents were frustrated, but not boiling over when I came out as bi. I guess they thought future grandchildren weren’t out of the question yet. Then I came out as trans, and I was immediately dead to them. I’ve been reconnecting with my mom years later because she’s divorcing my dad, but I’m still being cautious about it. Life has been brighter without them around anyway.
“life has been brighter…”
I feel sad. I understand… I just feel sad.
I am a father whose child came out to me. His mother and I were proud, and very flattered that they felt safe enough to tell us. I am saddened that this isn’t the universal experience — every child deserves that.
I know it was difficult for your parents, and I respect that, but you deserve to be embraced just as you are.
It sounds like you are moving on with your life and embracing family that loves you. I think that’s wise.
I know people are reading this who are going through some things. Take care of yourself. You really do deserve it.
I came out as trans to my parents seven months ago. They’re still trying to find reasons for “why” I’m trans and want me to go to therapy to be “cured” of it. I’m consequently speaking to them less and less.
Sounds like my dad. He thought I was seeing a therapist to be “cured” of being gay. I had to correct him - he didn’t like that.
It’s like we chose it for some peculiar reason to spite the world. 8(
The first time my sexual questioning came up my dad felt it was supportive with “I don’t care what you are, so long as your happy… just so long as you aren’t gay <laugh>”
That was followed by a moment’s uncomfortable silence and “more bi or pan really … still trying to work things out”
There was more silence and I dropped him at the train station…
He’s been a lot more supportive more recently though thankfully…
I told my mom first, and she just asked a couple questions and gave me a hug. Said she loved me, and wanted to know how she could support me. I said helping me tell my dad. She did, and he took it well for someone in his 70s. He loves me, cares for me, and supports me in every way. He’s probably the only person that messes my name up, but he has the beginnings of Alzheimer’s, so he honestly feels worse when it happens than I do. I’m lucky.
Ugh parents i wish they could just love us unconditionally! I also get that about others having close connections with their parents. It makes me happy knowing they can experience those things.
Mine emotionally abandoned me after i came out and transitioned medically at 25. Im 30 now and im over them . I miss being able to go to their beach house more nowadays. And the whole having family thing. At least my SO is family and friends to me!
Some people are born with a family and some have to create their own it seems! Hope you are all well.
I stayed home from high school one day in the 90s and told my mom I was gay and suicidal. My parents then proceeded to forget about the suicidal bit and freak out about me being gay. They took me to a shrink to give me meds to make me not gay. I went back into the closet but slowly came out gradually. Things slowly, eventually, got better. Especially for me after I went to college and actually met other gay people. I think seeing gays in mainstream media really helped my parents come around. Twenty years later, I took my mom to pride.
They were “supportive” but when it comes to actual support they avoid it. When I mentioned ace and aro they dismissed it saying I’ll grow out of it. Been told my whole life we will love you whoever you love and whoever you are. I’ve had two relationships in secret :/ when I came out as non-binary it was forced and wasn’t meant to happen. Don’t remember what but they misgender me because “it’s too hard” to switch between they/them at the house and she/her with extended family -_- as if I don’t do that constantly. That and actively making fun of my name. They constantly talk about how queer rights matter but won’t actually support their queer kid. I’m so ready to move out. It’s bizarre I don’t get it
I hear so many times, and have experiences it myself, where families are cool with gay and trans people right until their child comes out, and suddenly it’s not OK and they start making excuses.
It’s just… Shit. Why would they be so nasty?
I think for sure my parents comes from some part of their strongly Christian upbringing or something like that. Where queer people are fine, but then also imagining also having your kid be queer is too much? Either way still doesn’t make sense and has hurt my relationship significantly with them. Especially considering I plan on moving in with my girlfriend at some point
I wish you a swift and easy move.
Some distance might wake them up about you.
My parents have been super kind and accepting!
My mother cried, tried to deny I was trans.
I was pretty shook. We didn’t talk about it for a long time.
I realized, eventually, that in her career in the emergency room, she has met a bunch of trans women that were not at their best. Women who were in pain, addicted, off their hormones, injured by pimps or transphobic attacks.
She cried because she didn’t want that for me. She hadn’t met the women I had. The activists, artists, lawyers, and veterans that were so strong and proud and inspiring.
She only knew trans people experiencing the worst times in their lives. When they were at their sickest, their lowest, and their darkest mental state.
I moved forward with transition without her blessing. I found providers and began HRT. I changed my name and eventually, she came to understand it was real. Through it all, she insisted that she would always love me, and she found ways to express her love with actions as well as words. Now she introduced me as her daughter and has told me that if I need to move to a different state or even a different country, she will help me.
So the story has a happy ending. I do love my mother. I never stopped. And I am thankful she has come to affirm me as her daughter.
She and my dad separated when I was in high school. I barely speak to him, but he was totally cool with my transition, a pleasant surprise.
