I dance. I love to dance actually. It’s the only time and place where I can actually stop thinking for as long as I’m there. It has helped a ton for my mental health. It is the absolute breathing room I need while swimming in an ocean.

Right now we are rehearsing for a show which is set for about a month from now. Our dance performance could be better, it’s not bad but it really could be better. So this week one of our members straight-up said how unsure she is about whether or not she will be able to do the routine properly for the show. And I can’t really blame her. I could even hear she was fighting back tears while confessing her doubts. (I even thought I could hear it in the teachers voice as well, but I’m not too sure.) Anyway, teacher said she would rehearse a little extra with her next week.

It’s sadly also still common occurrence for some of our dance members to just not show up without any notice. So their missing out on practice time which we really need. But this time I heard one of our dancers just quit. So after class I asked my teacher what the deal was. It was because she (the dance who quit) didn’t like the routine and was upset we weren’t learning any new moves anymore.

“Is she coming back then for next season?” (because then we would learn new moves again) I asked.

“I really doubt it” she replied.

And I was THIS close to just straight up say: “Wow, that’s messed up.” (As a reference to the psychiatrist from Office Space)

TLDR: Dance class is not going that well. There is a cloud of despair hanging about. It makes me depressed again and I don’t know how to wave it away.