The fact I’ll die alone without ever feeling the love of a woman besides my mother and without a child saddens me. So, as kind of a consolation, I want to know… How does it feel? Being in love and being together, the sex part, just living together and all that…
Have you spoken to a therapist about these feelings? Things like depression can make negative thoughts seem much more real and reasonable than they actually are.
I mean, if you’re terminally ill and dying next week I guess it’s possible those are realistic thoughts. But if that’s not the case then that sounds much more like doom spiraling to me.
I will never go to those places. And therapy is for the not poor
Depending on where you live, therapy can be a prescription. And obviously then it doesn’t cost you money to go there.
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Not really, but apologies. The USA are just one country, after all, chances would be OP is from elsewhere.
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It is. For what is heard girls fuck some random guys in some places there just for funsies. That ISN’T a reality here.
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Assuming you’re in the US since you mention cost. I know therapy can be really hard to access, especially if you don’t have good insurance and/or aren’t close to an urban area. Your city or county may have mental health services like low cost therapy, or be able to give you referrals for it.
You do seem like you want to talk about it, I’m assuming anyway since you made this post. A good therapist that you vibe with is going to be someone you want to talk to just as much (if not more) than anyone on this post, and they’ll be able to bring up perspectives on your thoughts you hadn’t considered before.
You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to obviously, and if you live in a place with really terrible mental health services there’s not really anything you can do about that. But if the feelings you’re describing in your OP are something that’s upsetting you that you want to change, I’d encourage you to do what you can to try to access therapy.
I don’t live there. I’m not American and English is my third language
Ah I see, sorry for the assumption, usually it’s Americans who don’t mention what country they’re in ;)
I’m throwing shots in the dark here, but your English seems very proficient. Is there a possibility that your excellent English skills could be an avenue to making money in your home country? Forgive my ignorance. I can feel your pain through your posts. Just wanna help.
The magic of auto correct. My English is terrible. Still… Puts me above the people here (immigrant in Italy)
I don’t know, you seem to be using more advanced vocabulary and word choice in this thread than could be explained just with autocorrect.
Sending love to you brother. I wish I knew the right magic words to say that would help you love yourself like you should. I hope one day you find what you need.
I can even be more articulated and going balls deep in my references on the Shakespearian language. I’m still bad. That still won’t get me laid here as a poor brown dude.
I wrote this originally for the other thread but it was deleted.
To start with, it’s clear that your self-esteem is very low, and you’ve internalised an intense criticism of yourself. If you can access one, please speak to a professional, licenced, therapist.
They will be able to help you build a staircase out, but it will take time. Please try and resist the snake oil salesmen who offer quick solutions, which are designed to fail to keep you coming back.
To answer the question, at 13 I had developed a crush on a girl in my class, and I was not chill about it. To be clear, I didn’t do anything bad, but it was intense and with 20 years of hindsight she didn’t deserve it. I’d always be staring at her, I’d try to sit near her, I’d set really really obvious MSN status messages about her. During a particularly dark patch I literally carved her name in to my arm with a compass. Throughout all of it she was nothing but kind, and consistent. She didn’t love me. She avoided being around me as much as possible to not give any hint there might be something. She never mocked or teased me.
There were two girls I knew who would speak to me. They were in relationships with two of my close friends, and were “safe” from possibly becoming the focus of my affection, but also kinda stuck with me because not spending breaktimes in school with your bf would be a scandal of the highest order.
Over the next 4 years we’d have various conversations, and they’d try and help me realise that what I was doing towards my crush, a) scared off a lot of people, and b) made it very clear to girls who may have had a crush on me (which I refused to believe was possible because I was destined to die cold and alone) that I wasn’t interested in anyone else.
So by the time I was 17 I had basically alienated myself from all the other girls in school and convinced myself that all my worst thoughts about myself were true, because, well, yeah, obviously.
Then two things changed.
First was that I finally accepted that whatever other reasons there were for my situation, my behaviour was making it worse, and that I could at least stop doing that. It wouldn’t solve everything, obviously, but it would allow things to be a tiny bit better. I needed to chill the fuck out, and let go of this obsession with my crush.
And the other was that, because by this point these two girls were my friends, not just my friend’s gfs, the idea of just speaking normally to women wasn’t scary. Flirting was still terrifying, but some switch flipped in my mind from women being only something to attract and sleep with, like some sort of conquest, to being people just like me who are perfectly happy to just talk about stuff, just like my guy friends. Because I really valued their friendship, I realised that it made me happier than whatever the fuck I was doing to myself about my crush.
So by being more chill, I’d be less sad, and by just being friends with people I liked, I’d be happier. Win win.
After a few months of being a bit more chill, and focusing instead on just being a person who it was nice to talk to and be around (yknow, not constantly trying to look down someone’s top) I was at a tiny local gig of maybe 30 people that my friend’s band was playing at. One of the girls in the group I was with had spotted a girl we didn’t know, was our age, but didn’t go to our school. She was enjoying the our friend’s set, but seemed to be on her own. She introduced herself to this girl and asked if she wanted to hang out with us, that the band were our friends and that I (because I did a bunch of computer stuff for them, like burning cds, storing recordings, etc) could give her a free CD and can probably answer any questions she may have.
This meant we got talking, we had a good evening, at the end of the gig I asked her for her email/msn so I could add her to the newsletter for gig announcements, and that I’d be happy to send her new songs. She gives me it. While I think she’s beautiful, I have no intention to use it for anything else. That would be the actions of a creepy mf, and I was chill now. She’s just a person who happens to like a band I’m involved with, nothing more.
Over the next, I dunno, 6 months or so, we go from talking occasionally to every day. She introduced me to Ghibli anime, which gave us even more to talk about.
I end up talking about her all the time to my friends, male and female. They all encourage me to ask her out. I quite literally have a panic attack. I’m terrified that by asking her she will hate me and I’ll lose a really close friend, by being a creepy twat like before. I bitch for weeks about how it’s bullshit that men are meant to make the first move, and one of my female friends finally snaps and says something like “you just said you were up until 3am talking to her about what porn you both like and that she’d really like to try X/Y/Z out, but doesn’t have anyone to do it with. How can you not see that she’s super in to you?!”
I finally pluck up courage to ask her out on a date, just a meal in town, she immediately accepts. I have a panic attack in the restaurant, I am sick multiple times. It was by all accounts a terrible, terrible, date. I think I spent more like talking to the toilet than her.
She suggests we go for a walk around instead. Which we do. I spend the rest of the evening hoping that we’ll find a corner shop that is open so I can get some gum, but we don’t find any. We wander around town, getting physically closer with each passing bench, she tucks her self in under my arm “because it’s cold” (in June?!). When she has to get her bus home, I can tell she wants me to kiss her. I cannot kiss her, our first kiss, fuck, my first kiss ever, with whatever remnants of stale sick are on my breath. She may be down, I am not.
I give her a big hug and peck on the cheek, say I had a great evening, panic attack aside, and please call me when you get home so I know you’re safe.
An hour or so later the phone rings, and we end up again talking in to the early morning, as things get increasingly explicit.
The next week I ask her if she wants to be my gf. She immediately accepts. I invite her to the friend-who-told-me-she-was-in-to-me’s 18th birthday party in town. Probably half of our class have been invited, including many of the girls I’d alienated myself from. This time I eat very little to make sure there is nothing to puke up should I have another panic attack, and get some gum. She arrives after me, and my friend would later claim “how did HelloThere get a girlfriend?” was something people spoke to her more about than her actual birthday.
Later, I walked her to her bus, and this time we did kiss. It was similateously the most under, and over, whelming experience of my life to that point. Physically it was pleasant - we both knew that she was my first kiss, and that I wasn’t hers - so the fact that I didn’t immediately smash my teeth in to hers was a win. But emotionally it was a rollercoaster. I don’t want to suggest that from that point on I was some sort of Cassanova, because I am not at all, but the amount of validation I felt in those 15 seconds or so was immense. This was the proof that this person I thought was incredible actually did like me. Why? No idea, I’m literal human garbage, but she thinks I’m not! Holy fuck! Or she’s in to garbage. Either way, yay!
Over the next 4 months or so we tick off the rest of the firsts, and gave our virginities to each other.
You asked specifically about sex. Losing my virginity was one of the least enjoyable sexual experiences I’ve ever had in my life. But I’ll cherish it forever. Emotionally, like the kiss, it was everything all at once.
We broke up after about 18 months. I’d moved away and gone to university, and had moved on. While I was the one who broke up with her, the aftermath I handled terribly and was just a prick. I left horrible voicemails and would later drunk text non-apologies - she ultimately blocked my number, Facebook, everything. And she was right to.
After a few months I had calmed down and got better at regulating my emotions, and eventually I went to therapy and got help with abandonment and esteem issues.
Many, many, years and 3 more failed relationships on, I’m 9 years in to a very stable long term relationship with someone I absolutely adore. My single goal is to not repeat the same mistakes as before, and we tackle everything as a team. If we’re feeling uneasy we speak to each other and help each other. I’m so proud of what we have built together. She is the smartest, most empathetic and kindest person I know. I count myself so lucky that she is my best friend, a willing big spoon, and I get to play with her boobies. It’s incredible.
But it all started with me accepting a sliver of responsibility for myself, that I had a small ability to make things better, and if I did then maybe others would respond positively to it, and want to be around me.
I really enjoyed reading your story. It’s honest about your faults and kind to yourself at the same time. I hope I can find a way to see my own life in a similar way.
Thank you.
It’s taken a long time, and I’ll be honest and admit that a good amount of what was written above was by the more adult and rational parts of my mind, than the emotive bits. I’m still working through a lot of shame, and on bad days it’s still floods back, but usually less than before.
There’s many thousands of steps ahead of you, but you’ll get there, I believe in you.
Sorry to say it, since it was a very elaborate story but that doesn’t work for me because.
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I’m not American, all those things you experienced are movie stereotypes to me.
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I’m old as fuck, to get a woman NOW I should be successful, charming and with a decent job. I’m not a kid, cinema and pop corn won’t cut it.
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More on 2, my situation won’t change at all, my character traits are set on stone and well defined by now. I’m not desirable. And I will always do a mediocre job under minimal wage.
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I have 0 friends. But that doesn’t really bother me. But I’m well aware women want someone socially active.
I am not American, I’m British.
The purpose of my story was to try and explain how I didn’t go from being a social pariah (and thus, undateable) to a loving relationship in one step, it took years and thousands of steps.
The hard truth is that you are right that your current self isn’t ready for a relationship. But, as shown by asking the question in the first place, a part of you wants that to change, and by your other answers, a different part of you doesn’t want that change.
Let’s take another scenario. You could do a marathon. You may run it, you may walk it, you may roll in a wheelchair, but you could do it…eventually. Today, you can’t. But today you may be able to run/walk/roll 1km. And tomorrow, or the day after, maybe 1.1km. And next week, maybe 1.2.
Eventually, if you manage to keep at it, you will, one day, be able to do something that today you cannot.
But wanting to is the first step, and a bit of you does want to.
So, step one, if you truly have no friends, are there people you like at work? What are your interests? Do you have a hobby?
I’m unemployed. I despised my abusive job. Hated everyone. Videogames, hate everything else/failed.
I don’t believe you hate everything.
What is the last film you saw you enjoyed? Or song, or book?
Believe that. Trust me.
I like music but I don’t see the point. Bought a guitar and did nothing with it.
Liking music means you don’t hate everything.
What bands, or artists do you like?
Nu metal? Only the 2000s most mainstream ones.
People may not be as shallow as you think they are.
I don’t think they’re shallow for wishing that. If I didn’t had memories of my current life I would switch my personality to that, ignorance is a bliss.
I meant for thinking the only thing a partner would find attractive is money, youth, or social status. A lot of people just want someone to sit on the couch and watch a movie with them or tag along to chat while walking a dog.
That’s not true in my world
You live in the same world as us, it’s as much true where you live as it is where we live.
Humans, fundamentally, want companionship.
How old is old as fuck? Success and charm is part of the equation to expand the possible pool, yes, but why not do anything about that? If you like your job, then you should have some confidence in what you do, that eliminates the need for a big salary, to a certain degree.
Your character should never be set in stone. If you are at that point, then it’s time to roll up your sleeves and learn a new skill, pick up a different hobby or do something other than your daily routine. Recently I’ve started reading books and listening to podcasts about a whole bunch of different things because I was tired of being stuck. You might toss away some ideas and others will excite you and keep you progressing.
If you have the opportunity to go to a gym or get any other form of exercise, please allow yourself to do it. Your mental and physical health are one and united. It’s hard to eat real, unprocessed food on a budget, but maybe you can afford a meal each weekend that you take your time to prepare and really enjoy both making and eating?
Friendship is a real important factor to everyone, and I’m sorry you lack close friends. Friendship is more important than courtship. If you can shift focus to finding new, close friends that might open up a new mindset and other options down the road.
Dude I’m unemployed and I despised my job. I’m not going to go to a fucking gym ever again, especially now.
How old are you roughly?
Mid 30s
It’s absolutely not too late.
Mid 30s isn’t “old as fuck”.
That being said, not everyone is destined to be in a relationship. Some people are just socially awkward or annoying to be around and don’t have either the guidance or desire to change.
Some people don’t even realize that they are annoying or off-putting to others, and so they can’t understand why no one will be their friend or get into a relationship with them. Sometimes they tend to blame other people as the problem instead of themselves.
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Dude, consider getting therapy. You need to learn to love yourself first
Ok no. I’m fucking tired of hearing that one. That’s so bullshit. My father never loved himself and yet managed to get my mom and impregnate her twice, plus a 11 years marriage
No, learning to love yourself first is not a prerequisite for finding love or happiness. But it sure makes it a hell of a lot easier to know what’s best for you.
Do consider therapy if you have a way of procuring it, I know it’s expensive, or the next best thing in my opinion is to go and grab a notebook from the dollar store and just start writing your thoughts down. It’s going back and reading those thoughts that really helps with self actualization and reflection, imo.
I wish you luck, OP, you deserve happiness and I believe you can find it, but you have to be patient with yourself and other people. Becoming vulnerable to others, although risky, really helps expedite the process.
Amputee’s have climbed Everest, doesn’t mean its the easiest way to
This is your primary issue right here. You value yourself so little that the only value in life you see is in being in a relationship. Or to put it another way, you only see value in yourself when you think others value you. Which means, as others have alluded to and very much not coincidentally, that you will not be successful in a relationship. If you can’t accept and love yourself for who you are, others will inevitably have a hard time doing so as well.
Given your responses thus far you won’t take this well because you are convinced you know better. And that is your secondary issue.To answer your question: It’s over-rated and not all it’s cracked up to be. It has benefits but so does being single.
But if you want to experience, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Grow up and learn to value you for who you are or nobody else will.
I don’t shut you don’t only because you finally answered the question. I still call bullshit on your first paragraph.
I will never love myself, does that means I earned my loneliness? Don’t you realize how fucked up that sounds?
I will never love myself, does that means I earned my loneliness?
It means you deserve loneliness. Because you didn’t take responsibility for doing the one MOST BASIC thing, which is to love yourself and believe in yourself. It doesn’t have to be perfect or 100% (in fact better not!) but you do have to be able to see the good in yourself such that you can have confidence others will see it too.
Instead you blame others for it and feel sorry for yourself. You don’t even seem to realize that it’s this fact and your lack of responsibility toward yourself that is the reason others may find it hard to love you.
You and only you are responsible for that. Fix that and you fill not be lonely. Nobody wants to be around someone like that.
No. I won’t change shit.
No. I won’t change shit.
I know. Because you are so insecure that you need to be lonely and unloved. You need to be the victim.
Victim by ass.
I could go on like everyone else and try to make you understand that you absolutely have many more chances for love and that you, like everyone, deserve love. However, it seems like that’s just not an answer you’re willing to accept.
It’s a self fulfilling prophecy: if you tell yourself you suck or that you’re awful or that there’s no way you can ever deserve love, then you yourself will make it happen, whether consciously or subconsciously. You can say you’re like this or that and that no one wants this or that but that’s actually verifiably false. MAYBE if there’s only 100 people in your small village then maybe there’s no one there, but there’s an entire country, an entire continent, and entire world that you just need to open yourself up to. There’s not just one person who would want to love you but so many. They just don’t know it yet.
But you know what, you’re right, fuck me and everyone else telling you this. You must be unlovable and an awful person because you say so and because everyone isn’t their own worst critic (that’s heavy sarcasm, by the way).
Seriously read some of these posts here and think about them. Don’t just read them and think the entire time “well that’s great for you but it could never be me”. Open yourself up to other perspectives and you’ll be better for it.
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You don’t really know me and how I live. Majority of what you’re saying is physically not applicable to me.
And you did not write it, not before, and not now. So it’s hard to give more insightful feedback than what everyone here already wrote.
That’s not a great way to get good information from the community.
Even if I had bet your ass people here would just still trying to analyse me like I’m a rat from an experiment instead of just answering my damn question
You’ve certainly managed to get a lot of nice people to waste a lot of time trying to be positive and give good advice here. I’m betting a decent amount that you’re a troll pretending to be an incel.
If not- you’ve spent so much time explaining why you’re a miserable sack of shit that I’m just going to believe you. No one can help you but you. If you don’t want help, fine, just stop spreading your misery around.
Is not my fault if nobody wants to answer me. They’re all just trying to be a 4 dollar psychiatrist to feel better about themselves. Notice how I didn’t said anything towards the few who actually answered the question.
I NEVER ASKED FOR ADVICE.
Wow. What a douchebag. Here people are trying to tell you that hope doesn’t have to be lost. But fuck them, right? Write off the rest of your life if you want. No skin off our noses.
People here either lying to me or avoiding the answer. And I’m the douche? Not only that, you’re not insulting me, jackass.
Yes. You. You can’t honestly have zero self awareness. Or maybe here we’re figuring out your problem.
Incorrect
Why do you think you will be alone?
I’m invisible and don’t have the qualities women want.
This sounds more like you not really being aware of your qualities, and/or you looking at females who would not be a match for you (meaning neither of you would be satisfied if you tried). While there do exist qualities which make people truely unattractive (disorders such as uncontrolled rage for example), you don’t say that.
It’s true that mating choice in humans is foremost the female’s choice, yet you might be surprised by what they see as qualities to appreciate. If you are an introvert, despair not, because 30-ish percent of all people could be classified as such, and that specifically could be seen as an appreciable quality by a woman who also sees herself as such …You are only invisible if you literally hide away. – You do not give us much information as to why you think this way, or about your cultural background. You might be truely physically impaired or clinically depressive, or part of a culture where men and women are mostly kept separated, and that would actually make it more difficult but not impossible at all to find a match. Not having such information, i will refrain myself from just telling you to “go out of your hole more, man” and such. –
May we perhaps get a hint at your age? Because answers could get more helpful if we knew. (Don’t ever think you are too old)
Yet, in whatever way you are set up, think of it like this: there are likely, literally, millions of people in your area and half of them are women, and a good percentage of those are in your age range (the older you get the wider this range gets). You can be certain that there is a sizeable number of women who have the same kind of thoghts and feelings as you do right now, and perhaps more important even, Your emotional and mental state can and will change.
In other words, you are certainly not unworthy in the eyes of the one you would not have expected to find you attractive. Of course, you need to actually show up in places where you likely meet people who share your interests (iow. “find you attractive”) …My own experience: considered myself an “introvert” (until more recently i learned it’s likely “more than just that”). Had great difficulties finding the right approach toward women in general, until i was 25 … when it happened for the first time that a woman approached me, in a very assuring way (like, “want to come home with me, we make food and then I’d like to show you around my bedroom”). I took the chance and although i was “easy prey” for her it was the right thing to do because she was treating my inexperience in a sensitive way. Nevertheless, she was not a good match interest-wise, so that lasted only a couple of monts (and broke in anger).
A year later, a similar thing happened again … at a seminar after-party, a student colleague who i wouldn’t have thought of just so asked if she could stay the night with me. She didn’t appear the most attractive to me but neither did i seem to be particularly attractive to others. Somehow i was wrong. That time it turned out quickly that it was me who was the more experienced one. … And that woman was an “introvert” match (whom i now think of as being “more than just introvert”, too) – we’ve been a couple for seven years. …
After that, both our paths in life changed considerably so we broke up in mutual agreement that we both needed to experience new things in life (i found a more spiritual-leaning path and learned what “love” is really about; she went with another man and discovered that she wanted to have children after all). …The relevant part here is that despite me thinking of myself not being particularly attractive, it kept happening that women just approached me, asking quite explicitly. – And it almost always happened when i had gone into the company of like-minded people, but without the specific intent to seek out a woman. I can only remember one time when i did make an explicit move myself (even at that occasion i knew that i wouldn’t get turned down because of the way she went all so lovely excited both times we had met before).
All in all, i wasn’t together with very many and now that i’m older i still miss finding my true partner, but i can say that any of the experiences i got the chance to have, had its distinct flavour of enjoyability (well, perhaps minus the one time she later admitted she had abused me). Many of the women i love, i did never even get close to. A couple of times it was me who had to leave them behind because our paths just couldn’t go together. A number of times it was sexual enjoyment for a number of days.If you are asking, how does it feel … well that’s asking for poetry. Every experience is different though, and so will be yours (yes i say it will). It can be very satisfying, very lacking, questionable, exciting, soothing, mind-melting, enchanting, hurting, teaching. Pick yours. :-)
Dude I’m a poor immigrant in my 30s living with my family and unemployed without education. And I live in a small town in Italy. Millions my ass. And nobody would want someone like me.
Bet there are women in your town with prospects just as bad who consider themselves undateable.
You have to learn to stop hating yourself before you can expect someone else to love you.
No
Please seek help for your depression.
I won’t repeat myself
A friend of mine is a poor, jobless, dark-skinned Slavic person in Italy with the whole alphabet of disorders that lives with their family in the middle of nowhere and mostly does language stuff and poetry and all that. What they do is Tinder and Grindr… it works pretty great for them apparently and they’ve gotten a lot of great friends and people who wanted to date on there, although they’re still guaging what they want and who can fulfil it.
Personally I prefer meeting people in third places in densely populated areas, but that’s not an option for everyone. Especially if you can travel (like by public transport) to urban areas, there’s always options if you look in the right places and try to seem interesting (which basically just means letting go of the concept of “cringe”).
You know you’re talking to some women on this forum, right? And that we’re not some monolithic group that only likes pretty, rich, white men?
You’re coming across like an incel… Which, you know, probably isn’t going to get you very far with most women. Stop being a troll and actually take some of the suggestions here to heart.
Since when I said rich? And btw there’s statistics about it, white girls USUALLY prefer white folks. Other ethnicity are more lax, except from traditional Asians. Also if you have to chose between that supposed rich guy and me… What would you pick?..
I don’t need an answer on that.
Says who?
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Having a decent job, being charming enough, being the rock they can rely on, being romantic when they want, owning their own place. Being extroverted enough.
I’m nothing of that.
I can assure you that not all women want all those things.
Sure, some do, absolutely. But others don’t, or they value them in different amounts.
And again, knowing how to support someone else emotionally - being their rock - is not something you are born with. It is learnt, and everyone can learn it, if they want to. But it will take a long time.
idk maybe try to be gay
Kinda boring. I don’t think about it. We look after each other with love and spend probably too much time together because we enjoy each other’s company. But it’s not the incredible harlequin drama you might think.
I want to give an honest answer here. I am in a relationship of 10 years and there are a couple points worth making upfront. Sex doesn’t make a relationship - not everyone feels this way but you can have a loving relationship without it. Children are not something I’ve ever personally wanted so I can’t attest to that. That being said, being in a relationship is overall good for me. It has made me do things and go places that my introverted self would have never done or gone to in the first place.
More importantly than any of that, don’t give up hope that you’ll find someone. It may not be tomorrow, it may not be this year, but if you keep believing that you’ll be alone indefinitely then you might just manifest it. I can’t exactly give tips on how to meet people - being an introvert and out of the dating pool for so long means any direct experience is not very relevant, but I can say try to meet new people and see who you jive with. I think relationships are probably easiest to foster through shared experiences and meaningful connections, so if you can find a group of people that share a common hobby/passion, that might be a good place to start.
Love can hurt too… I am going through a rough patch at the moment and I sometimes wish I never knew love because the pain of losing it is the worst pain in the world… I don’t think that helps you much, but it is another side
Well, it has its ups and downs… I’m in the process of getting a divorce and my youngest son is soon to be a year old.
For me it’s been a learning process and I don’t have any regrets, not even with the situation I’m in right now. We know each other well, and it has been good for almost 10 years, but it’s time to find something that makes me happy. I’ve neglected a big part of myself for the past years, but it’s a choice I’ve made to be able to have two great children and a partner to share things with. We are just not compatible as a husband and wife any more.
The children aspect brings me more joy than anything else I’ve experienced, but that’s probably a personal trait and not for everyone. To watch them grow and become goof machines is a big part of why my life has never been better.
10/10 would recommend both, but they are a ton of work, a source to misery and failure, but that’s a part of the experience.
Being in a relationship gives me a sense confidence in myself.
If you do not hear these people out, you are denying yourself the chance for a better life. By refusing to believe you are capable of what you want, you are making it impossible for you to achieve your goals. Because you won’t try.
Good luck ❤️
I don’t think so.
I was in a total of one relationship that can universally be agreed upon to be a relationship, but I could not tell you how it felt back then (well technically I could) because I severely took it for granted and the only two things I could remember from how it felt was that it was a bubbly young love type of relationship and I thought we went well together. We were hinging on ending it and happened to have left closure ambiguous before he was hospitalized which leaves me wondering if it’s still a thing. Sometimes he remembers it that way and says it is, sometimes he doesn’t.
I was not in love but i can talk about being in a relationship. Its nice. You have someone to talk to when you want. You have someone to help you when you need help and someone to help when you need to be helpful. You can share your victories without judgement.
Its nice to not get into an empty bed. In winter when it’s cold you get into bed and warm each other up. Sex is good but it kinda becomes a step by step routine when you know what each other like.
In regards to your attitude. Women don’t actually want that much. Even ugly and outshape poor guys can find people. But if you are convinced that you are a person no body wants you need to take steps to improve yourself. In 6 months of hard work you can completely reinvent yourself. Jump on steroids start going to the gym 5 days a week. Do cardio, get a dog and pick a generic hobby like watching Netflix then start trawling tinder. Once on tinder you should accept every date opportunity even the fat ugly girls just to get practice and confidence. Give tinder at least 6 months before you give up.
That probably won’t get you a good relationship but it will get you experience with women and you’ll realize they’re humans with flaws and you’ll stop putting then on a pedestal. You could also try an escort just to get rid of the virgin nerves.
If you want to get steroids go to a trt clinic and make sure you have crashed your t levels before going.
Your advice is decent except the start steroids bit.
If he truly has no hope in life then why not blast gear? He needs change and needs to see it fast. There is so much more information available these days so you can do relatively safe protocols.
That steroid stuff is dangerous and also doesn’t exist here
Its not dangerous and it exists everywhere. Your body produces test naturally so it’s fine.
Not that great. If I could afford to be single, I would be.
In the dance of life’s sweet song, Do what makes your heart beat strong. Chase the moments, find your glee, Let your spirit wander free.
Smile more often, bright and wide, In the little joys, confide. Love yourself just as you are, You’re a shining, splendid star.
Confidence in self you’ll find, Brings a peace of heart and mind. Then one day, when least you see, Love will come, a sweet surprise to be.
With your mate, those joys will grow, Every smile, a brighter glow. Tiny treasures, once so small, Now with them, you cherish all.
Hand in hand, your hearts will soar, Love yourself and them even more. Life’s a tale of joy and cheer, Happily ever after, year by year.
Credits to chat gpt ☝️
As an answer to your question OP - Once I met my mate, I felt bad for treating myself so badly all those years before it.
