Folks, let me tell you, Goldilocks. Goldilocks is a fantastic story. Tremendous story, okay? She walks into the house, right? And there are three bears. Can you believe it? Three big, beautiful bears. She tries the porridge. First one, too hot. Way too hot. Who makes porridge that hot? Disastrous. Then the second one, too cold. Nobody likes cold porridge. It’s just wrong. But the third one, folks, it’s just right. Perfect. Tremendous porridge. The best. But you know, what Goldilocks did, breaking into that house? It’s a crime. But the media doesn’t talk about that. But you have to wonder, are those bears even here legally? We need to know who’s coming into our country. And that’s why we need
our great police officers, they’re tremendous. They’re doing an incredible job. But the media, they don’t want to talk about that. They want to focus on negativity. So unfair. We’ve got to support our police, folks. They’re the ones keeping us safe from those rioters, from Antifa. Just terrible people, really. And what about our Second Amendment rights? The right to bear arms, folks. Very important. We have to protect that.
And let me tell you, if those three little piggies had been allowed to arm themselves, maybe they’d still be here today. Imagine that, I mean the first little pig builds his house out of straw. Not good. Devastating. The second pig, sticks. Better, but still not great. If they had proper protection, maybe the wolf wouldn’t have been such a problem. Just think about that. So, the third pig, he’s smart. Genius. He builds his house out of bricks. Solid bricks. Huge house. Tremendous. The wolf comes, and he huffs and puffs. But he can’t blow it down. Can’t do it. Just like the border. We need to build that wall. Keep out the bad guys, the criminals, the drugs. We can’t have them pouring into our country. Just can’t have it. And this pig, he stands up to the wolf. Defeats him. Wow. It’s symbolic, you know? It’s about migrants, so many. The wolf is the story, it’s the threats coming over our border. And we need to be like that third pig, building big strong defenses. Solid defenses. Making sure we’re protected. And the pigs, they all end up in the brick house, safe from the wolf. Wow, like we need to keep our country safe from all the threats out there. Tremendous story. The best. And we’ve got tremendous people.
Sorry, but that’s utterly unrealistic, it’s vaguely comprehensible, coherent and there is some logic to how the points link together.
You’re clearly an intelligent adult, and so I’m afraid that the only way you could hope to emulate the original is by giving yourself significant brain damage, moderate alcohol poisoning and a topic you know nothing about, then writing three different paragraphs, mixing the sentences together, removing random words and scattering in some arbitrary pauses. Please don’t though, both for your sake and the favt that we already have enough verbal diarrhea in the world.
Look, having nuclear — my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart — you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I’m one of the smartest people anywhere in the world — it’s true! — but when you’re a conservative Republican they try — oh, do they do a number — that’s why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune — you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged — but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me — it would have been so easy, and it’s not as important as these lives are — nuclear is so powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what’s going to happen and he was right, who would have thought? — but when you look at what’s going on with the four prisoners — now it used to be three, now it’s four — but when it was three and even now, I would have said it’s all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don’t, they haven’t figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it’s gonna take them about another 150 years — but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us, this is horrible.
You owe me some fresh brain cells, many of mine spontaneously underwent apoptosis to avoid reading that. How does anyone, no matter how under his spell, hear or read that and not immediately assume he’s had a complete mental breakdown?
Thanks for the notes, I found it was surprisingly difficult to emulate the style. The above was already after several rounds of nonsensification and I was thinking I had gone too far but on reflection should have gone further.
Folks, let me tell you, Goldilocks. Goldilocks is a fantastic story. Tremendous story, okay? She walks into the house, right? And there are three bears. Can you believe it? Three big, beautiful bears. She tries the porridge. First one, too hot. Way too hot. Who makes porridge that hot? Disastrous. Then the second one, too cold. Nobody likes cold porridge. It’s just wrong. But the third one, folks, it’s just right. Perfect. Tremendous porridge. The best. But you know, what Goldilocks did, breaking into that house? It’s a crime. But the media doesn’t talk about that. But you have to wonder, are those bears even here legally? We need to know who’s coming into our country. And that’s why we need our great police officers, they’re tremendous. They’re doing an incredible job. But the media, they don’t want to talk about that. They want to focus on negativity. So unfair. We’ve got to support our police, folks. They’re the ones keeping us safe from those rioters, from Antifa. Just terrible people, really. And what about our Second Amendment rights? The right to bear arms, folks. Very important. We have to protect that.
And let me tell you, if those three little piggies had been allowed to arm themselves, maybe they’d still be here today. Imagine that, I mean the first little pig builds his house out of straw. Not good. Devastating. The second pig, sticks. Better, but still not great. If they had proper protection, maybe the wolf wouldn’t have been such a problem. Just think about that. So, the third pig, he’s smart. Genius. He builds his house out of bricks. Solid bricks. Huge house. Tremendous. The wolf comes, and he huffs and puffs. But he can’t blow it down. Can’t do it. Just like the border. We need to build that wall. Keep out the bad guys, the criminals, the drugs. We can’t have them pouring into our country. Just can’t have it. And this pig, he stands up to the wolf. Defeats him. Wow. It’s symbolic, you know? It’s about migrants, so many. The wolf is the story, it’s the threats coming over our border. And we need to be like that third pig, building big strong defenses. Solid defenses. Making sure we’re protected. And the pigs, they all end up in the brick house, safe from the wolf. Wow, like we need to keep our country safe from all the threats out there. Tremendous story. The best. And we’ve got tremendous people.
Sorry, but that’s utterly unrealistic, it’s vaguely comprehensible, coherent and there is some logic to how the points link together.
You’re clearly an intelligent adult, and so I’m afraid that the only way you could hope to emulate the original is by giving yourself significant brain damage, moderate alcohol poisoning and a topic you know nothing about, then writing three different paragraphs, mixing the sentences together, removing random words and scattering in some arbitrary pauses. Please don’t though, both for your sake and the favt that we already have enough verbal diarrhea in the world.
Actual example:
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/donald-trump-sentence/
You owe me some fresh brain cells, many of mine spontaneously underwent apoptosis to avoid reading that. How does anyone, no matter how under his spell, hear or read that and not immediately assume he’s had a complete mental breakdown?
You want to know what’s really bad? He said that in 2016 and he was still elected.
Thanks for the notes, I found it was surprisingly difficult to emulate the style. The above was already after several rounds of nonsensification and I was thinking I had gone too far but on reflection should have gone further.
Take pride in the favt that even when you try, and think you’ve gone too far, your attempt is still so far above the word vomit he produces.
Entirely too coherent.
Needs more completely unrelated self-aggrandizement and nationalistic pandering.