Hi sissies! I’m a 31yo enby-presenting bi bottom in a town with no gay bars, nightclubs, BDSM events, or regularly-scheduled LGBT groups/meetings. It’s really churchy, but nobody has punched me in the face for crossdressing yet, so it’s tolerant enough by my standards.

In a place like this, how do you find cuties to do gay sex things with? I’m interested in master/slave dynamics, bondage, impact play, anal, cnc, pretty much anything. I just don’t like old bears. Which is a problem because the only bros who seem to be into me are in their 60s, and they don’t even try to look good, they’re pudgy slobs. How do you hack it out in the country?

  • fem@lemmynsfw.com
    8·
    5 months ago

    I don’t have any answers, but just wanted to say of course wanting someone around the same age isn’t too high of a standard.

    Are there any (maybe slightly bigger) nearby towns that are better?

    • lazyneet@programming.devOP
      3·
      5 months ago

      An hour by train gets me to a major city. However, the gay scene there is just a slightly scaled-up version of the backwoodsy culture I’m already in. Most guys are actual baby boomers. Most will say “Oh, you live in [town]? Why?” Fucking income levels, bro.

    • lazyneet@programming.devOP
      3·
      5 months ago

      There is a major city an hour away. Thanks for the list. Any reason you didn’t include Scruff? Fetlife isn’t for dating. Growlr and Barq aren’t for me (not into bears, not a furry). Sniffies and Grindr are hookup sites, so that’s kinda my last resort. I’m on Recon right now but it’s all dead ends.

          • Match!!@pawb.socialEnglish
            2·
            5 months ago

            Pretty good yeah! However I like bears and furries so 🙃

            I guess, what kind of boy are you looking for?

            • lazyneet@programming.devOP
              3·
              5 months ago

              Ideally? A dominant femboy. More broadly, I’m looking for someone about 25-35 who appreciates BDSM dynamics, looks healthy, and doesn’t mind shaving.

              • Match!!@pawb.socialEnglish
                2·
                5 months ago

                1. Any chance that there’s a kink club around the major city? These are often fairly underground and might be hard to find if you’re not already in the local kink scene.

                2. If being a furry isn’t a deal breaker that might be a reasonable approach to find femboys; I don’t know other communities that have a high proportion of femboys [because they’re all goddamn introverts]

                • lazyneet@programming.devOP
                  2·
                  5 months ago
                  1. Yes, there is a fairly well-known fetish club in the city. It would have to be a weekend trip. I’d probably find mostly straight people though. I met a previous (female) partner in a similar way. It was a great relationship, but there was always this feeling that I was more hardcore into kink stuff than she was. I just can’t dial it down for those whose interest is more moderate.
                  2. Femboy psychology is a whole ball of yarn. Do I really want to date anyone who presents effeminate? I’m into it to an extent, but not when it compromises the hard sadomasochism. If those things are opposed to each other (as you say they’re introverts) then I might be an exception. I wish people wouldn’t be such pussies.
  • MaybeALittleBitWeird@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
    5·
    5 months ago

    This is a common problem for anyone living the rural small town life. Just finding kink friendly partners is going to be difficult without adding on another minority preference (not being cishet). The two combined is going to leave you with a pretty limited dating pool. Hell, depending on how small town we’re talking here normal cishet dating can be difficult. I’m in a medium sized city and even the kink scene is still pretty small and mostly couples looking for thirds…

    The reality is that if you’re probably going to have to come to terms with the fact that if you want these needs met you’re going to have to travel, either temporarily or on a more permanent basis. If moving isn’t an option maybe make yourself open to LDR relationships with occasional travel for meetups. Fet and Reddit used to be decent for finding things like these even if they kind of suck nowadays.

    • lazyneet@programming.devOP
      3·
      5 months ago

      I feel you on the local kink scene. The couples here aren’t even looking for thirds. People go to these meetings just to play pool, and they act like the sex drive has been sucked out of them by some kind of alien parasite. Tops act like bottoms, bottoms act like tops, everyone either has kids or is some kind of little. The only hard tops are bears. 🐻

      • MaybeALittleBitWeird@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
        2·
        5 months ago

        People go to these meetings just to play pool, and they act like the sex drive has been sucked out of them by some kind of alien parasite.

        The point of a munch is to be a completely non-sexually, non-kink, social event. They’re also used by more underground groups to vet members and this is a fairly normal experience.

        Tops act like bottoms, bottoms act like tops, everyone either has kids or is some kind of little.

        If you’re looking for a high protocol master/slave situation, you’re not going to find it organically in a local scene. It honestly sounds a bit more like your attitude here might be stopping you from possibly getting to know people because this comes off as very aloof and judgemental. Not everyone fits nearly into a box, as I’m sure you can attest to.

        I get you on the 🐻 though, they aren’t for me either. I just don’t like hairy men mostly 🤷

        • lazyneet@programming.devOP
          3·
          5 months ago

          You don’t need to patronizingly explain what a munch is. I’ve observed these people over several months, and 4/5 of them are nowhere near hardcore kinksters. I don’t know where you’re from, but around here the general culture is already very soft and removed from the scene. These people want to feel no pain.