Hi sissies! I’m a 31yo enby-presenting bi bottom in a town with no gay bars, nightclubs, BDSM events, or regularly-scheduled LGBT groups/meetings. It’s really churchy, but nobody has punched me in the face for crossdressing yet, so it’s tolerant enough by my standards.

In a place like this, how do you find cuties to do gay sex things with? I’m interested in master/slave dynamics, bondage, impact play, anal, cnc, pretty much anything. I just don’t like old bears. Which is a problem because the only bros who seem to be into me are in their 60s, and they don’t even try to look good, they’re pudgy slobs. How do you hack it out in the country?

  • MaybeALittleBitWeird@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
    5·
    5 months ago

    This is a common problem for anyone living the rural small town life. Just finding kink friendly partners is going to be difficult without adding on another minority preference (not being cishet). The two combined is going to leave you with a pretty limited dating pool. Hell, depending on how small town we’re talking here normal cishet dating can be difficult. I’m in a medium sized city and even the kink scene is still pretty small and mostly couples looking for thirds…

    The reality is that if you’re probably going to have to come to terms with the fact that if you want these needs met you’re going to have to travel, either temporarily or on a more permanent basis. If moving isn’t an option maybe make yourself open to LDR relationships with occasional travel for meetups. Fet and Reddit used to be decent for finding things like these even if they kind of suck nowadays.

    • lazyneet@programming.devOP
      3·
      5 months ago

      I feel you on the local kink scene. The couples here aren’t even looking for thirds. People go to these meetings just to play pool, and they act like the sex drive has been sucked out of them by some kind of alien parasite. Tops act like bottoms, bottoms act like tops, everyone either has kids or is some kind of little. The only hard tops are bears. 🐻

      • MaybeALittleBitWeird@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
        2·
        5 months ago

        People go to these meetings just to play pool, and they act like the sex drive has been sucked out of them by some kind of alien parasite.

        The point of a munch is to be a completely non-sexually, non-kink, social event. They’re also used by more underground groups to vet members and this is a fairly normal experience.

        Tops act like bottoms, bottoms act like tops, everyone either has kids or is some kind of little.

        If you’re looking for a high protocol master/slave situation, you’re not going to find it organically in a local scene. It honestly sounds a bit more like your attitude here might be stopping you from possibly getting to know people because this comes off as very aloof and judgemental. Not everyone fits nearly into a box, as I’m sure you can attest to.

        I get you on the 🐻 though, they aren’t for me either. I just don’t like hairy men mostly 🤷

        • lazyneet@programming.devOP
          3·
          5 months ago

          You don’t need to patronizingly explain what a munch is. I’ve observed these people over several months, and 4/5 of them are nowhere near hardcore kinksters. I don’t know where you’re from, but around here the general culture is already very soft and removed from the scene. These people want to feel no pain.