“In the entire dataset, 29% of men said they never approached a woman in person before. 27% said it had been more than one year. This was larger for men in the age 18-25 group: 45% had never approached a woman in person,” according to the study.
A majority of single males surveyed reported fear as the main reason they do not approach women for dates in person. Fear of rejection and fear of social consequences were the two most common responses.
The data highlights a growing concern in the United States and abroad — loneliness. A 2023 report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services found that almost half of U.S. adults report “measurable levels of loneliness.”
It’s interesting to say the least. It seems as though the social repercussions and rejection are the most profound reason. While the fear of rejection is easy enough to digest. But I think the fear or social consequences is a relatively new construct.
From what I understand it’s the fear of being viewed as a creep to approach a woman out of the blue. Which to me, is reasonable enough. But I don’t think I have ever heard my old man or anyone of his generation bringing this to the table.
Yet I do remember asking my friends about picking up hints and whether or not men are really that bad at it. And most them saying the just don’t want to risk misinterpreting it.
Perhaps there is an argument to be made that approaching women like this, has fallen out of social fashion. What do you guys think?
p.s. I hope this is casual enough of a conversation. I kinda screwed up my last one, I admit.
Edit: Here is a more detailed paper on the survey for those that are interested
Rejection and social consequences have absolutely been part of the game, pretty much forever. If I had to wager, what’s different now is that young people spend time online that has replaced irl time, which has “upped the stakes” for irl interactions in their minds. They also just haven’t been as conditioned to being rejected irl and learning to move on.
I say all this as an elder Millennial who employs quite a few 20-somethings, and who has several 20-something nieces/nephews
In the past, rejection ended when the interaction ended.
Now, the person doing the rejection can go home, record a Tiktok about how creeped out they were by this “weirdo creep” who approached them, and now you’re being harassed by half the students in your school.
I think OP might be referring moreso to “social consequences” like this.
We didn’t have to contend with things like say, the guy the girl rejected taking pics of the girl and making a bunch of pornographic deepfakes and spreading them around the school. The fact that it’s fake doesn’t matter, because enough people have seen it and have made judgments already based on it.
The social consequences now are deep, fast, and long-lasting.
In the past, nobody but you and the person who rejected you remember. Now, the nickname that follows you for the rest of your school career is rooted in the embarrassing thing that went viral all over students social media feeds. Now, nobody forgets, and nobody let’s you forget.
Uh, no, it didn’t lmao
People talked shit and spread gossip and rumors all the time. Social failures often spread like wildfire through middle and high schools. When and where did you grow up?
That’s the thing though… This doesn’t happen… This is shit people see online and think every interaction is like this. 99% of men / women aren’t psychos that would want to embarrass somone like this for expressing interest.
In fact I’d wager as long as you are nice and respectful they’ll be flattered and you’ll make their day.
Remember the last time somone told you, you are cute, did you A. Go batshit with fear, or B. Feel flattered and good about yourself for the day…