geteilt von: https://lemmy.world/post/18499026
“In the entire dataset, 29% of men said they never approached a woman in person before. 27% said it had been more than one year. This was larger for men in the age 18-25 group: 45% had never approached a woman in person,” according to the study.
A majority of single males surveyed reported fear as the main reason they do not approach women for dates in person. Fear of rejection and fear of social consequences were the two most common responses.
The data highlights a growing concern in the United States and abroad — loneliness. A 2023 report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services found that almost half of U.S. adults report “measurable levels of loneliness.”
It’s interesting to say the least. It seems as though the social repercussions and rejection are the most profound reason. While the fear of rejection is easy enough to digest. But I think the fear or social consequences is a relatively new construct.
From what I understand it’s the fear of being viewed as a creep to approach a woman out of the blue. Which to me, is reasonable enough. But I don’t think I have ever heard my old man or anyone of his generation bringing this to the table.
Yet I do remember asking my friends about picking up hints and whether or not men are really that bad at it. And most them saying the just don’t want to risk misinterpreting it.
Perhaps there is an argument to be made that approaching women like this, has fallen out of social fashion. What do you guys think?
p.s. I hope this is casual enough of a conversation. I kinda screwed up my last one, I admit.
I can’t speak to how common this is, or if overall rates have declined, but I still do it. There are a lot of people in the comments who are worried about coming off as a creep, and I’m sure a lot of guys do come off that way, but I don’t think it’s that hard to hit on someone in a non-creepy way. I asked a woman out last week like so-
Me: “Hey, sorry if this is abrupt but would you like to have lunch or a coffee sometime?”
Her: “Yeah! That sounds like fun”
Me: “Cool, let me give you my number…”
Me (after chatting a bit): “Sorry for hitting on you out of the blue.”
Her: “It’s totally fine!”
Things to note:
So it wasn’t completely out of the blue. I feel like this part is pretty critical. You had established yourself in a positive way before making the ask. If your first-ever interaction with her had been asking her out on a date, I doubt it would have gone as well.
Agreed. The difference between reading 95% and 100% of that comment is massive.
How to be a millionaire.
how to talk to women.
Tl;dr women are humans, talk to them as humans, and maybe they’ll be up for making another human with you.
This comparison is ridiculous as they are completely different. This isn’t about talking to other humans, it’s about trying to establish a romantic relationship. It isn’t a tautology that to date someone you had to speak to them.
Having spoken to someone a little bit before asking them out for a date is very standard behaviour in every environment outside of locations where people are there specifically to find a romantic relationship (be that just sex, or more), like a bar, tinder, speed dating, etc.
It’s like, don’t just approach a woman in the office that you’ve never spoken to, and ask her out. It’s very unlikely (but granted, not impossible) that she wants to go from total strangers, to starting a relationship with romantic intentions, with someone she also has never spoken to.
But, if you’re making a coffee and she’s there too, be friendly and talk to her. Ask socially normal and typical questions like if she had a good weekend, and if so what did she get up to. If she’s receptive, keep talking to her. Once this has happened a few times, and she’s engaging with you - rather than just being polite and trying to get away ASAP - then ask her out. This doesn’t have to take a long time, it could be as quick as a couple of days, if you’re getting good responses from her.
Fair. She works in a place that I’ve been a few times and I have said hello once or twice.