All four are dead now, but mixed while they were alive.

Paternal grandfather had severe physical and mental problems from military service. He was basically a presence in the corner, while the family told stories of who he was long before I was born.

Paternal grandmother was a gardening and baking genius. She taught me so much. She was also worn down caring for kids, grandkids, and her husband who was wholly dependent on her for everything.

Maternal grandmother was a tough one. Raised lots of kids through poverty with a shitbag husband for many years. She coached all of us girls never to be fully dependent on a spouse. Good for a person, good for the relationship, that each partner have some independence and autonomy.

Paternal grandfather got pulled into criminal activities that destroyed the family’s financial stability. I wonder what my grandmother could have been if not leashed to that man. He wasn’t physically abusive, he just drained her soul and spirit over the decades. When I hear trad Christians like JD Vance want to get rid of no-fault divorces, I think of my grandmother stuck with her husband. She couldn’t go anywhere, all he provided was his legal identity that she worked through. She held a job, the money went into his bank account because she couldn’t have one. She paid the bills. She cared for the kids and the house. She was an involved member of the community. He was dead weight tied around her neck.

They’re dead

Both grandpas are dead but all 4 are amazing and I wish I saw my grandma’s more. I never learned a ton about their past first hand besides my dad’s dad who told me about Korea. I mostly talk about what’s going on not the past. Sometimes it feels like seeing a teacher or coach outside of school when we talk about the past because you saw them as grandparents and not normal people.

I would say I had both worlds. One set were nice and all that, but they had 6 kids so by Grandparent age they were probably tired out, LOL. But their life revolved around watching TV. So visiting was sort of a side thing because you were cutting into their shows so there was not a lot of depth. My other set of grandparents were great. They took us on random road trips exploring the country. Taught us how to play card games with betting for cash. Taught us dances from the old days. When my grandfather would sleep in his chair, his mouth would drop open. My grandmother made it a game to scrunch up small paper balls and try to toss them in his mouth. The connections they made with us as kids helped make for a open communication later in life. My grandmother and I used to write back and forth (we were separated by oceans later on) She was a good listener for when things in life were going a bit wrong.

I’m older now, but basically my maternal grandparents used to have us as kids nearly every weekend over at their place. They’ve lived a five minute walk away from us, which is a big thing on the edge of downtown of a big city. My paternal grandparents used to live on the other side of the city and we saw them once or twice a year maybe.

Now that I have my own kids: the maternal great grandparents and the grandma live a five hour ride away. We visit them once a year. They never visit us. The grandpa is an idiot and zero contact.

The paternal grams (my mother) tries to visit as often as she can. Which is not a lot, because she’s anxious about overseas travel. Grandpa is dead.

Basically my children will be growing up without knowing a fun, strong grandfather figure, while I had at least one growing up. And they’ll only be seeing their grandmothers once a year each. While I had the caring and wise words of mine all the way into my young adulthood.

The image of a nuclear family for me was always siblings, parents, grandparents all the way until my father died in my twenties, and then it kinda broke apart. I cared less about my relationship with my grandparents back then, and by the time I came to my senses it was too late. Either death or dementia has taken them. I don’t plan on repeating the same mistakes with my mother, who is nearing 70 now.

It was going great until they all died years ago.

All my grandparents are dead but when they where alive we did the usual thing which was meeting few times a year. On top of that I used to call them at least once a month and we’ve talked about everything and nothing, usual small talk. The interesting part is that I got a lot of insights between the lines and I had a pretty good idea how my grandparent were in their early years.

If you want a better relationship with your grandparents, call them every now and there or visit them and have a casual conversation. After a while you will know them way better. And if you’re not comfortable with what they say, just let it slide. Old people are known for not giving a crap about political correctness.

Supernatural

You need to put effort in to get to know your grandparents. I was fortunate to have one grandmother who lived to 93 and had her wits about her the whole time. My other 3 grandparents died before I graduated high school, but her I knew til I was in my 30s. I had a chance to visit her quite a few times on my own so it was just the two of us, and got to know her pretty well.

Never met one in my life, so can’t tell ya really.

Sounds pretty similar to me and my grandparents, especially the part about not being vulnerable with each other. Mostly it’s surface-level talks. For example, my grandpa is into plants and gardening, so we might talk about the garden or his most recent visit to the garden center or something.

And I’m pretty sure behavior like this is passed down through generations.

All but one has passed and the one remaining is kind if rocky now that my parents have poisoned the relationship with talk of hope manipulative and toxic my partner is for enforcing such awful things like limited screen time and bathing regularly to my child.

One set of grandparents willfully and intentionally wound up as ashes in a mausoleum in Indiana. I haven’t visited.

The other set, also ashes, were spread in the Atlantic. Gramps was spread when the tide was going out, unfortunately. So he took a while.

Well, the men in my family who married in were great. They’re all dead now, and all that’s left are their wives and an ex husband. I don’t talk to any of them and want nothing to do with them. They’re all varying varieties of hoarders (animals, belongings, trash, etc) and they’re all hardcore MAGA (and have been scammed out of money because of it).

I’ve only talked (video call) to my grandparents once after the war started two years ago. The first second was already tense and the last was infinitely worse. I hoped that they would have known better than to believe everything that they saw on TV.