I think the best kept secret to learn is to stop giving a shit what anyone else thinks and just be you and live how you wanna live. That’s when being an adult is freeing. Stop caring about how others perceive you. Just tune the bullshit out and live your best life.

In some cases, this requires cutting toxic people out of your life, even if they were family.

I kind of felt that way at that age, in the sense that I was worried about choosing a career path and being stuck in it forever.

For me, moving away from my entire previous life in a new city far away was something I wasn’t really expecting I would do, but I did and I generally feel really good about it.

At your age, and when you start living in your own place, you’ve got to realize that stuff isn’t just going to happen for you any more, and if you want something done you are going to need to put serious effort into it. Yes, it is tough to work a full time job that leaves little time for thinking about and doing much else, for ever-decreasing pay. However, you have to make the most of it, make changes you want to see in your life. Plan things out, speak with people to see whether your ideas are sound, make decisions, act on them, taking on calculated risks and responsibilities. Then you’ll find you’ll be able to do what you want to a bit more.

I’m going to let you in on some insight from a 40-something millenial:

I feel like being a adult is just lying about how much you have your shit together to people who also lie about having their shit together.

It starts off that way a bit, and you’re expected to at least put forward the impression you have your shit together before you do. But then the pretending gets easier and easier until you realize you’re just paying your bills, getting your laundry done, and doing what you need to do while feeling like you’re failing at the new, added responsibility in your life (like big career changes, kids, projects taken on, kids, taking care of family or friends, more kids). But that’s with anything new you take on. If you aren’t struggling at least a little, you’re not growing.

After we got out of college, we are just going to sit in front of a computer like the generations before us for the rest of our life, with the only difference of be paided less then them.

If you choose that. I can’t speak to the pay, because y’all are getting fucked… so far. I’ll speak more on that in a second, but I was the store manager of a restaurant for a few years before moving to New York from Seattle on a whim, worked customer service at a phone center for a cable company, and then joined the Coast Guard in my mid-to-late 20s, and drove boats until going into aviation and flying in helicopters, living in various places throughout the country, saving a few lives, flying in really cool places, and when I retire I can go do something else. People who stay in a job behind a desk their whole work life either love that job or are complacent in it. You are absolutely not chained to it.

And as for the shitty pay and everything, what I have seen of the Gen Z folks that have come through the Coast Guard is that they advocate for themselves and get things that we millenials are embarrassed to hear requested, much less think to ask for ourselves. And look to all the labor movements going on to push back at those pay drops. Keep the momentum, keep up the fight, don’t get complacent like my generation or Gen X.

not one of us could have imagined the entire generation having a mid-life crisis at the age of 18.

That’s not a mid-life crisis, that’s just the normal fear of entering the world for real, and it’s been that way for a long, long time. The crises come when you start feeling how little time you have (quarter-life realization you just don’t have enough lifespan to do everything you hope to do, mid-life realization of how little time you really have). Your thing is simply the fear of embarking into the unknown, and your doomscrolling has made your future look bleak. Put the phone down. Take opportunities when you can. Enjoy what you can out of life.

The whole thing is daunting, I totally get it. But going in with the approach you have is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Spot on with “lieing about having your shit together”, I’m in my 40s and in academia and almost everyone is “just pretending” to be a high functioning adult.

But you don’t need to spend your life in front of a computer. You can do all sorts of shit. But people like economic security and that makes “college > soul destroying job” seem appealing. But life can be all sorts of things, as long as you realise you’re in control of the choices not the results.

There’s a well established trope that at every age, people think there life is about to settle down and stop being as open and free. I was defintely the kind of person who felt that turning 21 was becoming ancient and tbat life was basically over. But each decade has been completely different and often wild, I’ve done lots of different things, lived in different places and even now I’m married and have a house and all the more “settled” things, I’m confident the last few decades will also be varied and interesting.

My kid’s a millennial and graduated college in 2018… Here’s the dirty little secret… Your life depends on what you put into it. Nobody just just going to hand you anything, you have to put in the work.

I tried to make it easy for him, I paid his way through college so he got a CS degree with no debt, but he worked for that degree, and the connections he made led to his first job at Intel, his second job at Oracle, and now, at the age of 28, he’s out there doing the super spooky AI stuff, and presenting papers at conferences.

with the only difference of be paided less then them.

Try rice fields.

I don’t want to be like this. I want my life to be more then this. I want to go out explore and change the world.

Everyone does, just don’t overthink it and do what you want now, then maybe you’ll have something to remember when you turn 81.

Welcome to the 2020s, welcome to late stage captalism.

First world problems. Try year 1630 AD.

but not one of us could have imagined the entire generation having a mid-life crisis at the age of 18.

It’s not a mid-life crisis, it’s the typical teenage trap of thinking you’ve reached that and are now wise sensei in a wrong body. Actually feels like something a 15yo me could have written, not 18yo.

It’s more dangerous than you think. When you really have a mid-life crisis, it’ll just be. You won’t think about it this way.

Don’t allow those thoughts to prevent you from getting out, touching grass, learning all you can about all the wonders in the world you can find.

Also don’t wait those 3 months to consider yourself an adult.

And, quoting Al Pachino’s character, when in doubt - fuck.

I feel like being a adult is just lying about how much you have your shit together to people who also lie about having their shit together.

I mean…yeah actually. Nailed it.

Except I TOTALY have MY shit together. I don’t frequently cry about about how cruel the world is, and how I’m going to die alone, likely by my own hand.

That TOTALLY isn’t a nightly occurance since I stopped drinking, because I gave myself cancer with alcoholism, but also can’t smoke weed because of workplace testing…

Nope. Just being a responsible adult, and paying bills for MEEEE!!!

Every young person goes through this. They want to change the shitty world and have energy for it when they are young, but no power, money or influence whatsoever.

Later in life, you have power, money and influence but no energy.

Lols.

Also every generation think they are special and better than previous generations. But you need to have been around for a few generations to see that.

Actually gen z is the first generation I’ve seen that blames boomers for everything, and have a us vs them mentality, probably created by social media.

I’m almost exactly 10 years older than you, and had similar thoughts heading into college. This is what I learned about those thoughts.

After we got out of college, we are just going to sit in front of a computer like the generations before us for the rest of our life

I wanted to avoid an office job, thinking that they’re all bullshit and soul sucking. What I’ve learned is that mental and emotional labor is just as variable as physical labor. The soul sucking still happens as it would in any physical job, but I learned that you need to find something that sucks less than the others and then fight against it. My method of fighting back was to organize a union, but there are other ways as well.

You, as an individual, will need to learn coping mechanisms to stave off the doomerism. I learned a lot of these independently, but this image is a perfect representation of my affirmations and how I remember that I’m more than my job.

FWIW, you actually do generally learn to get your shit together over time, at least somewhat more than the past

My only advice is dont wait. Do what you have a passion for now and just do it. Dont wait at all. Fuck what everyone says, especially your own doubts. Take the plunge.

Oh hi, fellow GenZ. I try not to think too much about the future, because I can’t realistically see much good or interesting there. We are probably paid more than we realize. It feels like the world has become too big and rotten. Or maybe it was always this way. idk

The worry is good for motivation.