‘I love my child. But if I could go back in time and get an abortion, I would 100 per cent of the time,’ says Melinda. Kelly Rissman reports on a story that exposes the hurdles women faced before the Supreme Court’s Dobbs decision in June 2022
Kid is gonna read that article. Maybe now, maybe one day. Imagine reading an article about how your mom wishes desperately with all her heart that she didn’t have you.
She loves you despite what you are, not because of it. Fuck me.
Yeah I want to admit up top that I have no fucking idea what the right approach is here.
I’m a new parent, but thankfully my kids aren’t old enough for me to encounter complicated questions yet.
This might change, but right now my plan is to do my best to avoid cover stories for things. If you’re open (as much as is appropriate) and honest (in the context of the delicate situation), that might be better than trying to hide this aspect of the kids ancestry.
As an adult I know that it’s possible to simultaneously live a child while acknowledging that an abortion would have been a better option.
I honestly don’t know whether a child can understand that.
The thing is, it’s not just a conversation with a child. It’s lived experience. I’m absolutely confident that my children (we have twins) will know that I love them because of my actions - the time I spend with them every day.
I’m thankful I don’t have to navigate this. I would talk to a child psychologist or something to figure out the best way forward. I suspect that will always be communication, but an expert could help you know the best timing, things to watch out for, et cetera.
Not hated exactly, but there will be knowledge that they weren’t wanted. They will blame themselves as kids tend to do. Trauma ensues. What a fucking unnecessary tragedy.
Nah hated is entirely possible. Depends entirely on the mother and if she has the emotional and rational capacity to separate it. If her brain makes her think of her rapist every time she looks at her child, it will be impossible to love it.
I hope she can love it but i wouldnt blame her if she cant.
As a parent who had a traumatic childhood, as well as partner to two raped AFABs, you don’t “force” your trauma on your children, you have to force yourself to overcome your trauma to be a better person.
Trauma is fucking hard to deal with at the best of times when you don’t have evidence of your traumatic even sitting in front of you all day every day. I can’t comprehend the difficulty they would have to deal with everyday, but that also isn’t an excuse to not be better, and the child absolutely deserves better.
Assigned Female at Birth. It’s an umbrella term that includes cisgender* women, transgender men, and non-binary people who were born with the anatomy typically associated with women.
*Cisgender means someone who’s gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth.
I’m contemplating about whether parents even should tell them or not? On one hand, the kid kind of has the right to know, on the other hand they’d likely hate themselves for it. Personally I think it’s better to end pregnancies that come from rape for those reasons. Even if the parents attempt to look past it, subconsciously they will always be reminded of the rapist when they see the kid and they will act accordingly, whether they want to or not.
What a joyful life for that kid. It’s not his fault, but he’ll be hated by his mom his entire life for it.
Edit: I am pro choice and fucking hate what our country is being turned into by the right.
He’ll probably starve to death too at the rate we’re going.
Kid is gonna read that article. Maybe now, maybe one day. Imagine reading an article about how your mom wishes desperately with all her heart that she didn’t have you.
She loves you despite what you are, not because of it. Fuck me.
Yeah I want to admit up top that I have no fucking idea what the right approach is here.
I’m a new parent, but thankfully my kids aren’t old enough for me to encounter complicated questions yet.
This might change, but right now my plan is to do my best to avoid cover stories for things. If you’re open (as much as is appropriate) and honest (in the context of the delicate situation), that might be better than trying to hide this aspect of the kids ancestry.
As an adult I know that it’s possible to simultaneously live a child while acknowledging that an abortion would have been a better option.
I honestly don’t know whether a child can understand that.
The thing is, it’s not just a conversation with a child. It’s lived experience. I’m absolutely confident that my children (we have twins) will know that I love them because of my actions - the time I spend with them every day.
I’m thankful I don’t have to navigate this. I would talk to a child psychologist or something to figure out the best way forward. I suspect that will always be communication, but an expert could help you know the best timing, things to watch out for, et cetera.
Not hated exactly, but there will be knowledge that they weren’t wanted. They will blame themselves as kids tend to do. Trauma ensues. What a fucking unnecessary tragedy.
Nah hated is entirely possible. Depends entirely on the mother and if she has the emotional and rational capacity to separate it. If her brain makes her think of her rapist every time she looks at her child, it will be impossible to love it.
I hope she can love it but i wouldnt blame her if she cant.
I’ll blame any parent that forces their trauma onto an innocent child.
And I say this as a rape victim and a child abandoned at birth.
As a parent who had a traumatic childhood, as well as partner to two raped AFABs, you don’t “force” your trauma on your children, you have to force yourself to overcome your trauma to be a better person.
Trauma is fucking hard to deal with at the best of times when you don’t have evidence of your traumatic even sitting in front of you all day every day. I can’t comprehend the difficulty they would have to deal with everyday, but that also isn’t an excuse to not be better, and the child absolutely deserves better.
What is an AFAB?
Assigned Female at Birth. It’s an umbrella term that includes cisgender* women, transgender men, and non-binary people who were born with the anatomy typically associated with women.
*Cisgender means someone who’s gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth.
Ah okay, thanks for explaining it, that abriviation is new to me.
The whole idea of “trauma” is that its involuntary. You dont have a rational choice, your brain makes the choice for you.
If you have trauma of that level you either go with therapy or put your child up for adoption. Its not something you can solve with willpower.
Right and if you don’t do those things, and instead take it out on an innocent child I’m going to blame the fuck out of you.
I don’t mean to be even more dystopian, but doesn’t the biological father have to consent to adoption/get first rights to adopt?
I’m contemplating about whether parents even should tell them or not? On one hand, the kid kind of has the right to know, on the other hand they’d likely hate themselves for it. Personally I think it’s better to end pregnancies that come from rape for those reasons. Even if the parents attempt to look past it, subconsciously they will always be reminded of the rapist when they see the kid and they will act accordingly, whether they want to or not.