One of my friends just attempted suicide like 30 minutes ago. Thankfully he’s alive (I know bc he texted in the gc, and he didn’t say it like a joke) but I’m not really sure what to do. I told him I’m free to talk if he needs to (I am not able to go see him in person) and another friend who lives near him said about the same. We also had another mutual friend commit suicide not that long ago. What do I do?
People talk about being there “for” someone. Here being there “with” him is more important. Something as mundane as letting him take a nap on your couch while you fold laundry. The more regular, boring or routine the better. Best if it’s something you can do without talking. That’s harder since you can’t go see each other, but maybe just leaving a video call on or suggesting it to someone else would help.
People talk about being there “for” someone. Here being there “with” him is more important.
When I’m depressed, having someone sitting on the couch in my living room scrolling on their phone is infinitely more meaningful to me than someone who is miles away and texting me a lot or offering to help with things. It’s probably part of my neurodivergence but having the person close in proximity while at least sort of paying attention to the room makes me feel less alone than having 10 people trying to check in on me all day.
I’ve got a couple attempts in my past. For me, this is good advice. There are no words or gestures that would’ve brought me out the mindset I had. Medication and good friends got me through.
Can only talk about myself, so please take this and any other advice with a grain of salt. Every person is different and reacts differently to this.
The headspace he’s in right now is one of utter confusion and emptiness. For now the dread might be gone. But he is probably far from ok. What he needs right now is love. And I don’t mean hugs and kisses and shit.
Let me explain it this way: He needs normality in a cozy environment. Friends or family around him to have idk like a pizza together while playing games or watching something he’s interested in. The important part is that they are there in person and not everything revolves around him, but with him. If that makes sense?
He doesn’t need an intervention kind of “we love you” bs, which to me sounds like hell on earth. He needs to live the love. Cherish others while being cherished.
I hope my word salad helps. Sorry I woke up two hours too early and my brain is still trying its best booting up.
Wise words. Sounds like your heart is fully working.
One of my closest friends tried attempted suicide last year. The first thing obviously was to make sure he survived. We don’t live in the same city, so that was a very long and stressful day for me. Fortunately, we have mutual friends who I could reach. (I was the only one he texted before the attempt.)
Anyway, after he was well, I never really pressured him to talk about it. I, and others, convinced him to talk to a therapist. After I believe a week or so, he just randomly opened up and we talked for hours. This happened a few times. But I always tried to not pressure him into opening up, and kept our friendly banter and everything. I never wanted him to feel that something between us changed because he tried to take that route. I’ll still call him names and roast him, and he’ll clap back. That’s just our dynamic. I think people often overcompensate, and end up making things worse.
That paragraph turned out to be much less structured than I had hoped. It’s just hard to put into words what to do. I guess, just try to be a good friend. Whatever that means for you. Be there for them. Talk to them. Don’t pressure or guilt them into doing anything. Don’t guilt yourself into behaving differently. Be compassionate if they do open up, but don’t force them. Just be like you usually are, grab a drink maybe, and have a good time with them.
Call one of the suicide crisis numbers for your country and talk with them. Even though it is for someone else they will be able to help you try to get your friend help.
Reach out to family or friends or anyone who can be with them now.
Probably take them to a hospital
Hospital is good if they’ve taken action towards suicide (eg. tried to overdose, or jumped but survived), but it’s terrible for someone who just backed out. Imagine you’ve just gone through pretty much the worst experience possible, then you have to put up with the noise and business of ED.
Unless he is actively suicidal this is not the answer and can make things worse
Inform their family, depending on how nice the local police are - ask them to do a wellness check.
For your personal mental well being, I would recommend going low contact with a suicidal person, they will drag you into their drama and pull you down.
This isn’t good advice for everyone. It might not even be good advice for most people. However, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt that it would be good for you to do this.
Yeah none of this is good advice generally.
A person who just made a suicide attempt nedds routine and normality but with a lot of friendly interactions sprinkled throughout that.
Sometimes family can even be one of the reasons a person gets so driven to go that far.
So cutting off contact and potentially making his family put even more pressure on him is one of the worst things you could do.
Cutting off contact only helps if you can’t handle the situation or the person anymore, and that still doesn’t help them, it just shields you from mental stress.
As a professional I’d basically be required to say the above, but I’m also watching from the inside as my country’s health system decays starting with populations that were underserved to begin with like the mentally ill. In other news I have a hospice interview tomorrow. If nothing else I’ll just get to focus on making people comfortable. That sounds so relaxing. I’m getting tired of having to tell people no all the time.
