I’m “different”. Was never treated kindly or with understanding because of it, no matter how hard I tried. I never wanted children, but was eventually forced into a situation where I felt I didn’t have a choice but to birth a child. So I did.
I eventually got away from the people who continued to harm me physically, mentally, and emotionally. Further along, I realized that my child was like me… “different.”
But, y’know… he is turning out very different than I did… better. Happier. Thriving. Hopeful. I never wanted him to turn out like me, so I tried to make sure he had everything I didn’t: a loving, supportive adult who took care of him and made sure he knew he was loved, no matter what. He can talk to me about anything without fear. Knows that the words of those who care about him are more true than that of those who don’t. He’s encouraged to be curious, kind, and thoughtful.
There are some things I have unfortunately unconsciously put upon him, though… like my fear of failure. But… we acknowledged this together and now we both are working on it.
TL;DR: In the end… you don’t have to have a child for literally any reason. It’s your choice. What others say do not matter, because this is your choice. But, to me… it seems like you fear having a child because you believe they will be treated like you were. If you don’t believe you are able to provide that kind of love to a child that will allow them to truly feel loved, accepted, and supported, that’s alright. Not everyone is ready.
If you are not ready to take on another life, that’s alright. You don’t have to, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s up to you, my dear.
No matter your choice, you are also deserving of love and understanding. I hope that you are able continue healing from your time being treated so badly. You didn’t deserve that.
I’m “different”. Was never treated kindly or with understanding because of it, no matter how hard I tried. I never wanted children, but was eventually forced into a situation where I felt I didn’t have a choice but to birth a child. So I did.
I eventually got away from the people who continued to harm me physically, mentally, and emotionally. Further along, I realized that my child was like me… “different.”
But, y’know… he is turning out very different than I did… better. Happier. Thriving. Hopeful. I never wanted him to turn out like me, so I tried to make sure he had everything I didn’t: a loving, supportive adult who took care of him and made sure he knew he was loved, no matter what. He can talk to me about anything without fear. Knows that the words of those who care about him are more true than that of those who don’t. He’s encouraged to be curious, kind, and thoughtful.
There are some things I have unfortunately unconsciously put upon him, though… like my fear of failure. But… we acknowledged this together and now we both are working on it.
TL;DR: In the end… you don’t have to have a child for literally any reason. It’s your choice. What others say do not matter, because this is your choice. But, to me… it seems like you fear having a child because you believe they will be treated like you were. If you don’t believe you are able to provide that kind of love to a child that will allow them to truly feel loved, accepted, and supported, that’s alright. Not everyone is ready.
If you are not ready to take on another life, that’s alright. You don’t have to, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s up to you, my dear.
No matter your choice, you are also deserving of love and understanding. I hope that you are able continue healing from your time being treated so badly. You didn’t deserve that.
Take care of yourself.