Kinda on the edge of what you’re asking about.

My kid wasn’t an “orphan” in any way. Not that that is some kind of necessity for adoption. But I was originally their stepdad. The biological father was in their life, but that was not a good thing. There was drama.

The drama resolved when he lifted a hand against my kid, in public, and was taught to never do such a thing again. That resulted in a series of negotiations that led to me adopting my kid.

Which means that it wasn’t the kind of adoption you’d be looking at.

That being said, there were definitely some issues because of all that. There’s therapy, and there used to be behaviors related to the traumas, etc. But it’s still been the best thing I ever did. Oh, we fuss sometimes, though not often and never anything stronger than a firm correction with the usual teenage eye rolls in response, followed by a firm correction for that. No family is without the occasional growing pains as a kid pushes boundaries on the road to adulthood.

But I loved this kid from the first day we met. Just this little thing that I’d only talked to online and by phone before. They ran into my arms and hugged me, and it was on. I knew I’d fucking kill for them, or die for them. There was never a doubt in my mind about taking on the drama and the eventual lesson that needed teaching because the kid is worth it. Even the custody bullshit in between was worth it, and interstate custody issues are complicated as hell even when one party isn’t a narcissistic abuser.

My kid is not the first kid I’ve ever had though. I’ve never made a biological kid, but a good friend of mine died unexpectedly many years ago. His youngest son was having trouble adjusting, and his mom asked for help. He ended up living with me for a few years. I can’t say we were really father/son, it was more of an uncle thing, but he sometimes calls me his second dad. Still. One time in school, it came up how I was his guardian, but not related to him, and that’s how he described it that time, “second dad”.

Another time he said “uncle dad”, but that got too many laughs lol.

I mean, he always calls me by my name, or with uncle in front of it. But, when he’d talk about it with others, that’s how he would explain it.

Again, there was never a moment of regret. It was the right thing to do, and despite my fears of fucking up horribly, I managed to only fuck up a little here and there.

Which is still not quite what you’re asking about I don’t think. But it is why I can say that if you go into adoption with your eyes open, it’s an amazing experience. I don’t have the experience of being a bio dad at all, nor any kind from the very beginning. But I’d sure as hell do it again. As it stands, I’m tapped to be the emergency parent/guardian for my niece, and a couple of my little cousins. I hope like hell they don’t need me, but if they do, I know I won’t regret doing it.