My BF Jay (15M) and I (15F) have been dating for about a year now. Now, we are obviously young, so I’ll probably need different advice than an adult woman.

Anyway, Jay hardly ever says he loves me (though he’s been starting to now, thankfully), reads my texts and never responds, and had another girl’s name in his bio.

One section said “Status: Taken I love my gfs ❤️ Currently dating: Almond [me], Mae [the other girl]”

Of course, I asked him who Mae was, and he said that she’s a girl he’s been into for a while and who he has been seeing. However, he never told me about Mae, and I’m assuming he never tells Mae about me.

At first, I thought he was just a private guy when he never posted about me and never said he had a GF. When he talked about people he was grateful for and people he made stuff for, he never included me.

I want to trust him, but especially with the leaving me on read and being with Mae (who he apparently doesn’t talk to anymore), I need advice on what to do.

  • i_dont_want_to@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    4 days ago

    When I was younger, I put up with a lot of bullshit because I thought it was normal. “Obviously, this person likes me, because they say so. Also I like them, so it will be fine.”

    But look at what his actions are saying. He’s not including you on a list of people he’s grateful for? The first you learn he’s dating another woman is from reading something he posted, instead of him telling you directly?

    What do you want in a guy (or gal or any partner)? Someone loyal to you, someone that makes you feel special, someone that respects you. That should be the minimum. You can add some bonuses later, like having shared hobbies. (And these addons can change, especially since you’re young.) Will you find this person if you’re wasting your time on people that don’t pass this low bar?

    I’ll tell you about this man I dated when I was young. He seemed a bit interested in me, but never talked about me publicly. He had this female friend that he hung out with, a lot. To the point he would ignore me to talk to her. It made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. But I stuck around and tried for months to convince him to want me. And it worked! For a while… Until he snuck around on me again. And again. I finally wised up and threw the whole man away. I got with so many duds after that guy, but those experiences made me learn what to look for until I ended up with my current partner. (Together for the better part of a decade!)

    If I were you, I’d dump this guy. Take a little time to heal if needed. Focus on your hobbies and hanging out with friends. People living their lives have a much better chance of finding a date, if that’s something you’re interested in.