If you’re okay with an outside bit of things, one of my favorite people ever called herself that. I haven’t heard the term used since the late nineties, and it wasn’t super common around here to begin with.

But my friend is this amazing person that I had the luck and joy of working with as a bouncer at a drag club. She’s all of 5’6" and could fight like a pro. She has the nickname bulldog because she’s tenacious and a lot of scrap in a small package.

We’re both middle aged now, but part of our twenties and early thirties, we were part of the door/lot team for the club. This was in the south, back before things really started to get better here for LGBTQ folks, so we would get drunk idiots trying to cause trouble or hurt someone pretty much once a week, sometimes more.

She saved my ass literally more times than I can count. She once took a chunk of concrete to the face saving me from worse. Still has a scar from it.

All of that, and she is also the sweetest, gentlest person. Always right there to give hugs and kindness to patrons, the performers, the staff, anyone who was needing a little bit of comfort.

Not going to say much about her private interactions, but she says that part of what’s great about being a lesbian is being able to make out with women for hours. She had tried to date men before she came out, and she says she enjoyed making out okay, as long as she kept her eyes closed, but that it would ramp up to sex way too fast, and since that wasn’t going to happen it would usually end the one part she could enjoy. Which happened with some women too, and there were plenty that definitely wanted more eventually, but for her the whole goal was the making out.

Her wife would be called a bambi too, if anyone around here still used the term. She’ll get a kick out of this when I send her the link.

Um, honest question: When this happens for a hetero relationship, is it ace or something else? Wondering for a friend.