I hate telling people I chose my name as they don’t see me as just my name but someone who “prefers” to be called my name. It’s either that or them assuming my parents chose my name, which they did not. My parents chose a fake ooga booga mockery of an “African” name that was so bad it could have worked as a racial or ethnic slur. I hated that crap. I avoided making friends to just not be called that shit. I’ve picked fights with well-meaning people for calling that shit “pretty”. I’d rather die than be called that shit. I ditched all my high school and college friends including some I was very close to because I knew they would continue to call me that shit. When I had jobs before the name change, I never stayed in touch with any friends I made there either.
I felt like a lot of weight was removed from my shoulders when I finally changed my name to an actual real normal common human name. I no longer felt like I was stuck in someone else’s body with no way out so I can live as me. I finally got to just be me. However, living with family who knew I hated that ugly birth name my whole life is just a life not worth living. They still call me that ugly shit and find it funny that I still hate it today. It’s funny when my name or a fake name is on a package. I’m only supposed to be that ugly shit. They claim to love me but they’ll never just call me my name which literally saved me from attempting suicide.
At this point we should have euthanasia as an option for children who hate their names, so their families and anyone they knew wouldn’t need to call them anything else.
That’s a pretty extreme reaction, especially when you’ve identified them as well meaning. RE the family there are unfortunately people who enjoy pushing buttons. Especially when they’re guaranteed a reaction that they’re looking for. Either ignore people who call you by the old name before you legally changed it or politely remind them of your new name. All these reactions in this post over a name is pretty concerning behaviour for someone who may not know, especially how much impact it’s had on your life per your recount. Might be worth chatting to a therapist about too?
I need to completely cut ties with family, and possibly get restraining orders, or probably move to another country. The thing is, dickhead data brokers have my name with that stupid ugly shit. I hate that I can’t just fucking scorched-earth eradicate that shit. I’ve destroyed as many childhood photos of me as I could possibly find. I soaked everything from school that had that shit on it until it was mush, and threw it all out. When I changed my name I destroyed all bank cards with that stupid name on it, cutting out each individual letter and tossing each letter in a separate trash can. I want to fucking eradicate that shit and erase all history of that shit ever existing. The well meaning person didn’t only call that shit “pretty” but also believed in that stupid patronizing black excellence crap where everything I accomplished was so special because a black girl did it instead of a normal person. When will you realize that shit is the other side of the same coin that is calling all black people savages who can’t help but be criminals?