sh.itjust.works
  • Communities
  • Create Post
  • Create Community
  • heart
    Support Lemmy
  • search
    Search
  • Login
  • Sign Up
seahorse [Ohio]@midwest.socialM to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 2 years ago

Republican Presidential Candidates Undergo Mandatory Genital Checks Ahead Of First Debate

www.theonion.com

external-link
message-square
28
link
fedilink
  • cross-posted to:
  • [email protected]
793
external-link

Republican Presidential Candidates Undergo Mandatory Genital Checks Ahead Of First Debate

www.theonion.com

seahorse [Ohio]@midwest.socialM to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 2 years ago
message-square
28
link
fedilink
  • cross-posted to:
  • [email protected]
MILWAUKEE—Lining up in the hallway dressed in hospital gowns, Republican presidential candidates underwent mandatory genital checks ahead of their first debate Wednesday. “Please state your name, date of birth, and gender,” said the Republican National Committee’s staff physician, who then put on glasses, snapped on…
alert-triangle
You must log in or register to comment.
  • Seeker of Carcosa@feddit.uk
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    115
    ·
    2 years ago

    Either I have brain rot or have become really jaded to the republican anti-trans agenda (probably both). I fell for the title for about a second.

    • halcyondays@midwest.social
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      42
      ·
      edit-2
      1 year ago

      deleted by creator

    • WarmSoda@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      33
      ·
      2 years ago

      Onion had been on fire recently.

    • HellAwaits@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      3
      ·
      edit-2
      2 years ago

      deleted by creator

  • MotoAsh@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    66
    ·
    2 years ago

    Ron looks sad. He must have an innie.

    • rtxn@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      20
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      2 years ago

      If there is a god, it must be a trickster to have given me the ability to read and then allow me to read your comment.

    • LEDZeppelin@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      17
      ·
      2 years ago

      Looks like Ron failed the genital test

      • blackluster117@possumpat.io
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        3
        ·
        2 years ago

        I hate penis inspection day.

        • ralen_jor
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          3
          ·
          2 years ago

          That was the worst day of gym class back when I was in middle school

    • RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      1
      ·
      2 years ago

      “THEY’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR FIVE HOURS!”

  • dm_me_your_boobs@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    39
    ·
    2 years ago

    I love The Onion.

  • iByteABit [he/him]@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    22
    ·
    2 years ago

    This would be a strong entry for a “Onion or not?” drinking game

  • keepcarrot [she/her]@hexbear.net
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    22
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    2 years ago

    A trans man would have an unfair biological advantage in politics

  • RedQuestionAsker2 [he/him, she/her]@hexbear.net
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    15
    ·
    2 years ago

    Pretending this would phase them as if these freaks wouldn’t love to whip their dicks out for hog fanfare

  • TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    16
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    2 years ago

    I had to squint hard to see if this was nottheonion

    • hamster@kbin.social
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      32
      ·
      2 years ago

      It’s obviously the onion. Republicans only care about your genitals, not theirs.

      • NotMyOldRedditName@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        2 years ago

        Republican Presidential Debate Moderators Undergo Mandatory Genital Checks Ahead Of First Debate

      • Ddhuud@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        2 years ago

        They care about their own genitals too. All wankers do.

      • imgonnatrythis@lemm.ee
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        2 years ago

        I heard they don’t even wash theirs.

    • tsonfeir@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      7
      arrow-down
      2
      ·
      2 years ago

      You’d have to squint hard to see his dick.

  • barrbaric [he/him]@hexbear.net
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    11
    ·
    2 years ago

    Ah, but who checks the genitals of the genital checkers? How do we know that they’re not all just in on it?!

    • AWildMimicAppears@kbin.social
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      1
      ·
      2 years ago

      thats what circlejerks are for

  • gentleman@kbin.social
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    10
    ·
    2 years ago

    @seahorse That is fucking hilarious. Hope the boy’s turtle doesn’t go back into its shell

    • resin85@lemmy.ca
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      3
      ·
      2 years ago

      I WAS IN THE POOL!!!

  • theodewere@kbin.social
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    8
    ·
    2 years ago

    just a little package check on the way in, nothing to worry about

    • Inevitable Waffles [Ohio]@midwest.social
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      3
      ·
      2 years ago

      Just one grope, as a treat.

      • theodewere@kbin.social
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        2 years ago

        grope the grapes… that’s what they say in Italy… i made that up…

      • cjthomp@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        2 years ago

        And when you’re famous, they’ll let you!

  • The_Worst@feddit.nl
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    9
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    edit-2
    2 years ago

    Am I reading the title right?

    Edit: got woooshed but I wouldn’t be surprised if it were true. 😅🤣

  • UlyssesT [he/him]@hexbear.net
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    7
    ·
    2 years ago

    I assumed this was a bit, but I really can’t deny how possible it’d be as a performative stunt for the leading GOP nazis to do something like that in the near future as a “see? The fundamentalist police state isn’t that bad!”

    I think the only reason it hasn’t happened yet is that the GOP nazi leaders are too fragile to even go through a single performative gesture that might make them uncomfortable, even for a political end. Yet.

  • m3t00🌎@midwest.social
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    5
    ·
    edit-2
    2 years ago

    Removed by mod

The Onion@midwest.social

theonion@midwest.social

Subscribe from Remote Instance

Create a post
You are not logged in. However you can subscribe from another Fediverse account, for example Lemmy or Mastodon. To do this, paste the following into the search field of your instance: [email protected]

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

  • The Onion
  • Clickhole
  • McSweeney’s
  • Reductress
  • The Chaser
  • The Hard Times
    • The Hard Drive
  • The Needling
  • Tattletale Times
  • The Beaverton
Visibility: Public
globe

This community can be federated to other instances and be posted/commented in by their users.

  • 650 users / day
  • 1.48K users / week
  • 3.84K users / month
  • 12K users / 6 months
  • 353 local subscribers
  • 6.07K subscribers
  • 1.43K Posts
  • 17.6K Comments
  • Modlog
  • mods:
  • seahorse [Ohio]@midwest.social
  • pbrisgreat@midwest.social
  • BE: 0.19.11
  • Modlog
  • Legal
  • Instances
  • Docs
  • Code
  • join-lemmy.org